The Male Selfie

Here's something I've put a lot of thought into. 

Guys taking selfies

Now, girls, we do this a lot. All of us at all ages. Some don't. I shouldn't generalize. But it's rare when you see a guy take a selfie. Guys that take multiple selfies? Even more rare and usually they're flexing a bicep or showing off their ab work. Fine. Guys that take selfies for the sake of taking selfies? Weird. To me it's weird. (I'm talking strictly straight guys) 

I'm in this habit of comparing everyone I meet to my middle brother. He would literally never and has literally never taken a selfie. He also would never be caught dead listening to top 40 hits. He's a guys guy. He doesn't need a beard or even a 5 o'clock shadow to prove that. My oldest brother is the same way. They are actual men. Selfie-less men. (Except for one time my oldest brother took a hilariously bad mustache selfie..but he was overseas and when you fight for our country you are free to do whatever you want). But these two males in my life would never just take a selfie, slap 18 filters on it and post for likes. If they did I would probably make fun of them. Like a lot. All the time. 

Now, not all guys that take selfies are doing it for the sake of the selfie. Some are just way into themselves and their looks and that's fine. You're cute..we get it. Or sometimes they are on a cool vacation with an awesome view in the background! Great! Your nephew is in the picture too! Or your son! Adorable! But some male selfies (melfies?) are annoying to me. Especially when I, a professional selfie taking female, don't even post that many attention seeking selfies. 

Oh you're wearing a different hat! No hat! New sunglasses! New shirt? I don't care. 

Just stop. Or at least slow down. Or stop. Something. 

So that's my stance on the melfie. 

Declaring Clarity

Sometimes when we find new information about situations we react. Well we actually always react. But I've learned that one can react in different ways. You can either react by ugly crying into your pillow, or you can react by laughing. You can react by getting irrationally angry, or you can react by going completely insane. Or you can have a neutral response to the information that leaves you feeling strangely calm. It's one of the feelings where you're not sure if you're going to actually eventually explode OR if you're going to just remain calm. 

Something new I found out last night left me laughing. It was another moment of clarity for me. And these moments have been happening -- a lot. Clarity is so beautiful. It's a lot like those moments you're driving through a nasty blizzard and you can't see the road. You slow way down and move over so you don't get run down by a semi. And as you're white knuckling the steering wheel and seriously thinking to yourself that you should turn back and go another day... the wind dies down, the snow slows to a mild flurry and you can finally see the road again. You laugh at yourself for wanting to give up through that mess but you're also extremely relieved to know that you lived through it. The conditions slowed you down, but you didn't give up. Happy tears, crazy laughter and some proverbial pats on the back (because you still don't want to let go of that steering wheel). But at least you can see and at least you feel like you have a little bit of that control back. 

I'm not going to go into the details of what I found out last night because really they're irrelevant. It's just another one of those situations where you want to give your intuition a high five for not actually just being crazy irrational girl thoughts. My heart, head and gut were all working together on this one and for that.. I thank them. 

I continue to be more excited about the future than I was the day before. The unknown is terrifying, unless you are actually creating your own unknown. 

My Little Cliche

Even after the worst storms.. the sun does come out.

This sounds so cliche but it also is SCREAMING at me. Thisismylife!!

I have had beyond anxiety for the last 2 days. Just heart pounding, tired, anxious anxiety!

Today the rain stopped and the sun came out and it was at the moment I realized: this is life and it's mine.

I can literally map out my life to be any way that I want it to. I am moving to NC. So my dream of landing on the east coast is coming to fruition. I have a degree in public relations. So my dream of doing something I love is coming to fruition. So my other dreams? The ones I've thought recently to be completely unattainable? They must be right around the corner. It's these kind of moments in my life that remind me of who I am, why I'm here and what I'm capable of.

I have dreams of finding friends in NC. I have dreams of finding love. I have dreams of finding the perfect public relations job with that brilliant corner office and millions of windows. I have dreams of having a white picket fence around my beautiful little home where I live with my future husband and our golden retriever. Notice I didn't say kids, they still aren't part of the dream. (Sorry mom).

My first step will be to just get to NC and start living out there like I have been there my whole life. I'm going to frequent coffee shops and have 'my usual.' I'm going to sit at a bar by myself after work. you know the ones with people in suits and drinking martinis? Maybe I'll have to start drinking martinis. Does a shot of gin count? The grocery store clerks are going to come to love the witty banter I bring to their lines. I might make friends with a security guard in the museums I visit often. It's a city with things and people and places. All the nouns are there!

I'm capable of more than someone else's opinion of me. And all it took was a little storm for me to realize that.

Labor Day 2014

I cannot believe I had to book a flight home for Labor Day. It's basically the only holiday I will be able to come home for this year. Which is fine. I know Thanksgiving and Christmas are typically family holidays and they are good ones to gather with friends, however, I've never been into them. I've tried. I've tried to find the Christmas spirit but ever since one terribly lonely Christmas when I lived in Wyoming... the feeling just hasn't been there.

I was literally left by myself at my apartment because I wasn't technically invited to my ex's parent's house for Christmas. We were living together at the moment and even that didn't deem me worthy of an invite. Those people just flat didn't like me. I've never had someone's parents, regardless of religious background, just not like me. I'm a people person. Don't get that mistaken for a people pleaser -- I am anything but a people pleaser.

Ha. Another 'oh well' moment in my life!

Anyways, a lot of people are asking "Why Labor Day?" Well for a couple of reasons, really. It's my 10 year high school reunion, it's my favorite holiday, and it's a time when I know I can see all of my favorite people in one place for a weekend. It'll be a short lived weekend for me but I'm sure it'll be full of memories. It might be my last Dillon Labor Day so I fully plan on making the most of it. Which I usually do ...

Short and sweet.

The People I Know pt 2

So something else that has really made my time in Dillon completely worth it were the people I was fortunate enough to work with. I have worked in many places in my life and developed many friendships because of it. They're the kind of friends that even though we don't see each other daily anymore, we still catch up in our own ways. It typically involves only the occasional Facebook comment or post but still, we have kept in touch.

There are 5 girls in this office that have been there for me since the first time we met. They are all vastly different. They come from very different places in life and they have had very different struggles. However, they are all near and dear to me!

One of these ladies worked here previously and then came back right about the beginning of my second year here. We became friends almost immediately and have remained fairly close ever since. She is my voice of reason. She makes me think with a clear head, even though we both agree we're actually terrible at doing that. She has really helped me through a lot of my bullshit and for that I will always be grateful!

2 of the others I really got close with after our respective departments merged into one. They are seriously just lights in my life. Friendly and loving. They are the kind of girls that will drop their own stuff for you and just be there. I have shared a lot of laughs with these two and I'm sure more tears than any of us care to count.

The last 2.. they are in a league of their own. Both of them left me here. Jerks. I've forgiven them...kind of. I miss these two every single day. They were part of what I'll always refer to as the "A Team" here in the office. Brilliant, kind, funny and sweet. If you need to know anything at all about a process for basically any department here, not only could they explain it to you.. they would make sure you understood it. I remember during my breakup 6 years ago one of these ladies in particular overheard me listening to "I Will Survive". She basically just laughed at me. Which was good because even in that self-pity-wallowing moment I was able to realize just how ridiculous I was being. She was definitely a huge part in me getting over all that nonsense!

I haven't known these girls for long, however, they will always be 5 of the best co-workers and friends a girl could ask for. I'm thankful to have worked in this office for the last 6 years because it granted me such a huge extended family!

And I'm definitely the lucky one.

Photo Credit: Best Friends Picture

The People I Know pt 1

I'm gonna take a little time to write about some of these amazing people I've met in the last 6 years and the ones I've known for longer. These are the people that have really made a difference in my living back in my home town.

This is Part 1

Do you ever meet someone, fake roofie them and then build a lasting friendship with them? No? Well that's how I met one of my very best friends. She was working at a bar/restaurant we all frequented when I first moved back. She was friends with one of my best friends but she is a lot younger than us so I never knew her. She sat a drink on our table and asked us to watch it really quick. Upon her return I told her I had roofied it! Because roofies are funny. She just laughed and walked back to the kitchen. Later that evening we ran into her downtown. I told her I was impressed by her ability to stay awake this long. We basically became instant friends at that point and she means more to me each day I know her!Because roofies = love and friendship.

Through her I was able to meet a lot of other really awesome people. Two of these girls I have ran around with for the last few years and they really give me a run for my money when it comes to the downtown scene. It's pretty much a given that if we are all downtown together it's going to be a wreck but the memories, and selfies, will be perfect! They're the kind of girls that just do anything to make sure people are having a good time and they definitely love with their whole hearts. I've always been impressed with their capacity for love...and booze. 

So two girls I've known for ages also played a huge role in my "growing up" in the last 6 years. One I've known for 20+ years and the other around 15 or so. Regardless, they are literally always there for me and when we want to be selfish assholes and shut out the world, there aren't two better partners in crime. We've shared a lot of laughter and tears over the many years of our friendship and I know even with the impending distance, we'll still be able to remain thick as thieves. They mean a whole lot to me and I'm gonna miss their shoulders when I need a good ugly cry. 

More to come! This is only the beginning.. 

It's Time to Celebrate!

Going away party!

That's tonight. I'm not actually leaving for another 3 weeks but because of holidays and busy schedules, it was decided a long time ago to hold this little celebration tonight. I tried to throw this myself and got yelled at by one of my best friends. She thought it to be a little ridiculous that I was throwing my own going away party so she assumed the position. She's one of those people that I met in the last 6 years that has definitely become more of a sister than just a best friend. We're both really weird and when we get together it is always the same laughter.

Tonight is NOT the night to be sad though. Because I know this good bye isn't forever and it's more like 'see you guys later'... it's still going to be hard. I've been attached at the hip to these people for a long time and now my little security blankets aren't going to just be there to go to dinner or drink too many bottles of wine at the salon or let me ugly cry about stupid shit. (I am the Kim Kardashian of Montana when it comes to the ugly cry.) Thanks to modern technology, however, we can do all of these things with the touch of a button on our smart phones. Maybe we won't be in the same room but it will surely feel like it sometimes.

Tonight we're going to celebrate our time together and share memories, laughter and a lot of shots.

I mean, I will kind of have to mourn this past life I am living currently. If that makes any sense. Things will be different and I'm sure I will be different because of all of these changes. Not in a bad way though. Just less cautious and more curious. I think why I keep writing about this and why I have so many thoughts on this is because I have literally never done anything courageous in my life.

So many things in my life have left me emotionally drained. Deaths, breakups, loss of friendship, wrecking my car, saying good bye to siblings, friends moving away..

But this is the one time in my life I am making the decision to do something completely and totally on my own without anyone's help. This is what independence is made of--I think.

I feel like I'm the subject of a Beyonce song...