One of Those Open Letters

Dear Nice Guys, 

You always have so many opinions and ideas about the women, ahem, excuse me... the “girls” (as you call us) who just aren’t that into you. We're not refusing to give you a chance because you're a nice guy. If you really think that, then you're not really a nice guy.

You assume we prefer the jerks that ignore us. Or the assholes that cheat on us. Or the pricks that torture us with half truths and empty promises. 

You assume that we love being treated like garbage and we just don’t have the mental capacity to handle a nice guy. A guy with his life together and a guy with all the things we are just craving on a silver platter.

Come closer. I need you to really hear what I’m about to say...

What if.. we don’t have anything actually in common? What if we don’t actually enjoy your company? Your personality? Your doting on our whims? Maybe you have a horrible sense of humor and we just can’t get with it. Maybe.. just maybe we don’t find you attractive. 

Is there a such thing as Too Nice? You’re damn right there is. 

Too nice is terrifying. You want to know everything about us on the first date but we are still trying to figure out who the hell we are. You’re really into us and that’s awesome but for how long? Our insecurities are running wild and now all of a sudden this “white knight” wants to prove to us they’re nothing like the last guy.

Fun fact, nice guy! The last guy to turn our heads and hearts upside down was JUST AS NICE in the beginning. 

And he turned out to be anything but! He was sweet and attentive. And so much fun. He had the kind eyes and the kind demeanor and he was attractive and great. We had a blast together! And he.. turned out to be anything but a nice guy. He turned out to be cold and mean and a total disappointment. 

So please, tell me why I’m supposed to believe you when you tell me you’re nice and show all this interest in me. What’s different about you? And tell me why I’m supposed to just believe that you’re not like the rest when we just met? You all think that some nice words and showing a little bit of interest will just win you the heart of any female you lay your eyes on. It's not that easy. In 2018 the women of the world have gotten smarter. No, it's not a feminism thing. It's a sick of being toyed with thing. We NEED you less. You don't realize that. We don't NEED a knight in shining armor anymore. We don't need kind words and promises. We don't essentially NEED you at all anymore. 

We have a little more power now and we're a little less 1950's housewife. We actually choose the people in our lives. Not by a need... but by a want. We want you in our lives! If we want you as a friend and not as a significant other then let us have that. You don't get to make all the decisions anymore. We do have some say in who we end up with and most of us are completely content ending up alone because we know now that there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, alone for most of us doesn't mean actually alone.

The women of the world have loved and have tried to be loved! We are no longer looking for someone to fill a void or a gap or to take care of us. We have most of our shit together now and we have lots of love around us. Our friendships are stronger, our connections with our families more firm, and the love we have for ourselves knows no limits. 

We do not need a nice guy with a good job to take care of us. We want our partner in life to be a partner and not our keeper or our caretaker and on the flip we don't want to keep or take care of anyone else either. We want to laugh liberally, travel often, dance in parking lots, make our own money, share experiences and adventures with wonderful people, stay in when it's sunny, or go out into the rain. 

We want to have someone in our lives that can not complete us, but complement us. And we want to in return complement you.