Stop Needing and Start Living

I witness a lot of things go down on Facebook. I see all the posts and the inspirational sappy bullshit that comes along with it. I see the frustration with "stupid" men and "needy" women being put on display via some picture of a desert or forest with a cheesy caption.

Someone is always looking for their white knight, while tongue in cheek calling him a dumb ass in tin foil.I see the "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" and I also see the "I'm single because i'm awesome" posts.

Most of them I just let slide on by. No comment, no like. And often times, the more one posts these types of things the more I am going to want to and then eventually do just hide them from my news feed.

I saw one today though... that was like a slap in the face. Like a real wake up call.

"Just once I want someone to be afraid of losing me."

My immediate thought was: Why in the world would you want someone so insecure in your life that they are constantly afraid you're going to walk away from them. You can't be alone at that point. They're following you around like a puppy. Literally. Puppies think they are going to be left and when you do leave them they shake and pee all over the floor. They chew up your shoes and just in general tear shit up. I'm not a dog person - clearly.

So the reason why this was a wake up call for me is because I have been that girl. The one afraid someone is going to just walk away and never come back. Never call me back. Never text me back. The girl riddled with insecurity. I know for me, an insecure guy is like the least attractive human being. Seriously. Who wants to deal with all that mess. Why would you really honestly want a man who is so beside himself that maybe you can't go out alone anymore with your friends. Or go on a trip to visit family - just you. Or to the damn grocery store. Or around the block for a quick jog. No one actually does that but you know what I mean.

If you want a guy who is afraid to lose you, get a puppy. If you want a relationship that will last though - confidence is key. I am not preaching this to you as the most confident human being - but confidence is powerful and maybe if you're not confident you should do something for yourself that will make you feel confident. Don't take someone else's love for you as validation for how you actually feel about yourself.

Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying once you're with someone that's it and they are enough and they should know that. You should continue to compliment that person. Tell them how you feel about them. If they look nice: tell them. If they smell nice: tell them. If dinner was amazing: tell them! If they make you laugh: tell them!!

Everyone loves a compliment and on our darkest days having the person that you love/like/lust after telling you you're beautiful/handsome/sexy/hilarious is sometimes all we need to clear up the clouds.

But remember this one phrase by a very bright and adorable little girl (Breanna Youn) whenever you are overly concerned about how someone else sees you:

Happy Almost 2 Month Anniversary, NC!

I'm rapidly approaching my 2 month anniversary of living in NC.

I have learned more than I realized.

1. I really AM okay alone. A lot of people say they're okay alone but wait until you are really alone and re-answer that question. I get lonely because I'm human...but I actually don't need anyone to fulfill any part of my life. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want friends and I want a good solid relationship. But these aren't necessary things in my life. I don't need anyone. I actually really like me. I'm fun. And adorable.

2. I actually am personable! So many people told me before I left not to worry because I will make friends easily. I kind of brushed it off. Yeah sure, whatever. People say things like that to people all the time to ease their mind. I knew I would make friends eventually but wow. I underestimated myself. I am personable and actually while it was terrifying to walk into this building alone the first time and see all these completely unfamiliar faces, I managed to make some pretty amazing friends in less than 2 months. They're sweet, kind, funny, and encouraging. And how could they not love me?

3. Driving fast is fun. I've always been one of those paranoid drivers. I hated bridges, passing semis, and going fast in general. Moving out here has changed all of that. Bridges everywhere along the east coast, semis are the majority of the road and if you're not going fast you're getting run over. By old ladies. In Buicks.

4. I do have a deep appreciation for where I come from. I'm really fortunate to have the friends I do back home and all over the country and the family that raised me. I couldn't be luckier. Seriously. I always knew these things, but this move only solidified how awesome my life has been and will continue to be.

5. I don't actually need a relationship. I put a lot of emphasis on finding love this summer. Finding a relationship. I don't know why. I think back in MT I was just craving something different. Well, lemme tell you, moving across the country was definitely different and seems to have satisfied that need. I still would like to eventually settle down and end up in a happy relationship but let's be honest, I'm only 28. Time is on my side. Being single also isn't like this horrible thing that you should run from... like the clap or crabs. It's actually freedom to make friends, your own decisions, and to make yourself happy.

Cue the rainbow and star "The More You Know..."

A New Beginning.. Again

You're all about to go on another adventure with me.

No, I'm not moving again.

I'm starting something... inspired by a friend of mine.

Stay tuned... I know you will, you loyalists!

Soon to be an after! 

Labor Day '14

Well, we did it. Another Labor Day weekend has come and gone. I flew home to Dillon for my class reunion and also for all the Labor Day shenanigans in general. 

I'm constantly reminded by the company that I keep that I am beyond lucky. In every sense of that word. I saw faces I haven't seen in days, months, and years. I hugged, laughed, sang, drank, talked, and yelled my way through Labor Day weekend. Literally, I have no voice. 

I read something not long ago about how best friends in high school become distant friends and then fall into the acquaintance category. My story is different. Our story. In our story friends from preschool are still some of my best friends. Elementary, junior high, and high school. In my 20s I have found myself only loving these people more. 

Falling right back in step with one another. Creating new memories and telling old stories. 

I'm very fortunate to have grown up in Dillon and to have known the people I know. My heart is full. Not at capacity though as I'm always welcoming new people into the circle and they fall in place with us like they've known us for years. 

I'm the luckiest girl in the world. The only thing I need now is some new vocal cords and a liver transplant. 

Dillon, you have proven to me yet again that you are the worlds greatest small town and we're all lucky to know you.