One Month From Home

It has been a hot minute since I've written anything. I am nearing my first trip home in a year and I have some thoughts on things.

Over the last year I've learned a lot about different things and since I am fond of internet lists... I found that style fitting for this post.

1. Do not ever get annoyed or make comments to someone always staring at their phone. You don't know what that person is looking at or who they are talking to. 90% of the time when I've been "busted" staring at my phone, it's because I'm reading something a friend posted, looking at their pictures, or texting with a friend or family member. I'm not doing it to disregard you. I am doing it to keep in touch with other people in my life.

2. Budget Budget Budget. I never really realized the importance of a budget until I was finally out doing this life thing totally on my own. I get a lot of comments about my lack of financial awareness. "What responsibilities could you possibly have that caused you such financial disrepair?" Well... none. And that's the problem.

3. Spending a lot of time alone doesn't make you lonely. The exact opposite actually. I enjoy time alone because I enjoy time with myself. I can think and say and do literally whatever I want without having to worry about pleasing anyone else. It's really great. I enjoy me. I used to have to have people around me all the time because I really didn't just enjoy "me". But, now that I do... I've found I feel less stressed out and frustrated. And that's the best way to spend a day off.

4. You are you... and I am me. No two people do or say or think or react the same way. One thing doesn't always work for two people and as soon as more people figure this out and start sticking up for themselves, the happier they will become. Don't make someone do something just because it worked for you. Suggest it.. move on.

5. No matter how happy you are somewhere...Go Home. Not like forever, but definitely take trips. I was really incredibly happy here the first 6 months I was here. My happiness has since declined. My homesickness has taken over and it only made me realize that I really need to see my family and friends more than once a year. Analogy: When I first left home I left with a full cup. The cup has slowly been emptied over the year and I've learned that when it gets past that half full point, it's time to pour a little more liquid into it. Letting your glass get less than half full makes it feel less than half empty. Optimism turns to pessimism.

So that's that.

Happy Almost 2 Month Anniversary, NC!

I'm rapidly approaching my 2 month anniversary of living in NC.

I have learned more than I realized.

1. I really AM okay alone. A lot of people say they're okay alone but wait until you are really alone and re-answer that question. I get lonely because I'm human...but I actually don't need anyone to fulfill any part of my life. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want friends and I want a good solid relationship. But these aren't necessary things in my life. I don't need anyone. I actually really like me. I'm fun. And adorable.

2. I actually am personable! So many people told me before I left not to worry because I will make friends easily. I kind of brushed it off. Yeah sure, whatever. People say things like that to people all the time to ease their mind. I knew I would make friends eventually but wow. I underestimated myself. I am personable and actually while it was terrifying to walk into this building alone the first time and see all these completely unfamiliar faces, I managed to make some pretty amazing friends in less than 2 months. They're sweet, kind, funny, and encouraging. And how could they not love me?

3. Driving fast is fun. I've always been one of those paranoid drivers. I hated bridges, passing semis, and going fast in general. Moving out here has changed all of that. Bridges everywhere along the east coast, semis are the majority of the road and if you're not going fast you're getting run over. By old ladies. In Buicks.

4. I do have a deep appreciation for where I come from. I'm really fortunate to have the friends I do back home and all over the country and the family that raised me. I couldn't be luckier. Seriously. I always knew these things, but this move only solidified how awesome my life has been and will continue to be.

5. I don't actually need a relationship. I put a lot of emphasis on finding love this summer. Finding a relationship. I don't know why. I think back in MT I was just craving something different. Well, lemme tell you, moving across the country was definitely different and seems to have satisfied that need. I still would like to eventually settle down and end up in a happy relationship but let's be honest, I'm only 28. Time is on my side. Being single also isn't like this horrible thing that you should run from... like the clap or crabs. It's actually freedom to make friends, your own decisions, and to make yourself happy.

Cue the rainbow and star "The More You Know..."

The Best Parts About Growing Up With Older Brothers

Nothing.

A Life Alone is a Life Worth Living (A listicle)

This list is inspired by a friends' Facebook status today. She gave a brief 'pro and con' over living alone.

A week into it and I have a few of my own:

PRO I can literally talk to myself about anything and no one is going to say "Are you talking to me or yourself". It's nice to have these moments with myself. I understand me.

CON I pretty much have to talk to myself all the time because I'm a talker and when there is no one else around to talk to, I'll still continue to talk. I like an audience, but really... I need no audience.

PRO No judgement for any decision made within those walls. Seriously! I can eat dinner pantsless, in bed watching Sex in the City. Dinner can be as healthy as chicken tacos or as bad (but delicious) as Bojangles.

CON No judgement means I can pretty much fall into any and all bad habits without any qualms. Something I need to already check myself on.

PRO Sometimes, I can leave a cup in the sink over night and not feel like the world is going to end. Seriously, I can even leave my plate next to the sink for a little while and not feel a bit guilty about it.

CON There is literally no one but me to clean up after myself so, really, things get cleaned rather quickly. That could have a lot to do with the fact that I'm terrified of these bugs down here and I'm not interested in rooming with any of them.

PRO I don't have to share my new couch.. with anyone. It's pretty amazing really. Sprawl out for a nap and no one is gonna show up to interrupt you. You can also drink wine in the middle of afternoon on your couch without anyone passing judgment! An entire bottle of wine. In a water glass.

CON Opening a bottle of wine is hard. I need a boyfriend and/or a better bottle opener. Just to open it. Then they can leave whilst I drink the whole thing.

PRO After you drink a bottle of wine, it is completely okay to just get down on the floor and do some yoga. It may be considered counterproductive, but the relaxing quality of wine and the soothing quality of yoga combined all together is a really incredible feeling.

CON There are literally zero cons to doing yoga after drinking a bottle of wine.

Realizations

10 years ago I graduated high school! I couldn’t wait to get out of the ‘hell hole, death trap’ town that everyone was STUCK in and going nowhere!

I couldn’t wait to run away from the 3 MIPs (minor in possessions).

I couldn’t wait to be independent from my parents. I couldn’t wait to get away from the same boring old routines that everyone falls into in this town.

I couldn’t wait to have real options for stuff to do! Anything was possible outside of this town. I couldn’t wait to be away from all the gossip and people talking shit. I really hated people knowing my business and knowing who I was.

I couldn’t wait to make real money and go out and party constantly and never worry about the cops busting it up.

I couldn’t wait to not be referred to as one of my siblings little sisters or have someone know exactly who my mom was.

I couldn’t wait to get away from the small town mentality and close mindedness that everyone in that town possesses.

I’m really glad I grew up.

Fast forward to now. I just graduated college! I cannot wait to leave Dillon but not because it’s a hell hole that I’m stuck in.

I haven’t been in a single bit of trouble since I was 18 and I value my independence above any other trait I possess. I have fallen into a wonderful routine here that I will never regret. I frequent the same bars, same restaurants and I hang out with the same people. And I love all of it!

There is a lot to do here. You just have to be willing to have a little bit of a creative mind and money for beer. There are a lot of possibilities in this town; however, even I know that working PR in this town would be difficult at best.

Not that I’m in the middle of the gossip, but I hear it and no one talks about me. And if they do, I honestly don’t know where their shit talking would come from. I absolutely love that people know me here now. I love it! They may not know me personally but I’ve met people that have ‘heard of me’ and it’s never been a bad thing.

I have literally not made ‘real money’ in my life. I make enough to get by for a single, kid-free person. I’m comfortable. Partying constantly gets old. Yeah, I said it. I love to drink, but I hate to feel it for 4 days afterwards.

I still cringe when someone says “Oh you’re so and so’s little sister!” I hate it. But I’m also secretly proud when these people also say “I love that guy” referring to either brother or “she’s so sweet!” referring to any of my step sisters and if you know my mom count yourself lucky. She’s absolutely amazing and I will fight you to the death over the fact that my mom IS better than your mom.

This town is small town and the people have their own opinions. The only thing that was close-minded was me. I had a complete inability to realize people are entitled to their own opinions...even if I don’t agree with them! It doesn’t make them ‘bad’ people. We just don’t have discussions related to that topic.

Growing up here wasn’t easy, but growing here made me who I am today.

Online Dating Observations

Okay so, it's 2014. Most everyone that I know at this point has been on some version of dating site. I've tried a couple. Most recently, I decided to give it another shot because of this move across the country. I figured I could try and make some new friends in advance, however, I've come up short every single time. Maybe it's because I shouldn't be on a dating site to make friends... I am almost certain it's because I am actually the 'meet cute' kind of girl. We're not going to meet sitting on our respective computers, we're going to meet in a grocery store, bowling alley, bar.. somewhere adorable like that. But, it's slowly becoming a realization that I am not meeting any of the Rights online. (Not to discount people who have met their 'others' on dating sites. I know quite a few people actually that have been successful in this way. I'll call them the lucky ones.)

1. If I don't respond, I'm not interested. It's a lot like when someone doesn't respond to me. I can take a hint and move on. You're really not getting it when your "hey beaitufl" goes unanswered? Which takes me to my next point:

2. If there are a lot of lazy spelling errors in your messages, I won't respond. There is the occasional mistype and I get that. Sometimes you transpose letters or auto-correct isn't working to your advantage, but as in the case above, if those are the only two words you're sending me and 50% of it is an error? I'm probably not giving you the benefit of the doubt.

3. Why do you only have pictures of you with other females? If you are trying to attract a woman, any woman, then why are you only posting pictures of yourself with multiple other females? I totally understand you wanting to display how 'attractive' you are to the opposite sex, but if that were true why are you on a dating site? You have 50 friends that are all girls and zero male friends. To me that screams RUN!

4. When I say "I'm actually really independent".. that isn't a bad thing. And it also doesn't mean that "I'm only independent until you come into my life." I don't say these things to make you feel some type of way about me. I seriously mean that my independence is important to me and I can still maintain that even while in a relationship, so don't tell me I won't 'need' to be independent once I meet you.

5. I am looking for new friends is not an invite to proposition me for sex. It does not mean that I am looking for 'friends with benefits' on an online site. I don't think I have to explain this further.

6. No, even online, actually does mean no. This one should actually go along with #5, but I had to reiterate.

7. Please actually read my profile. It's always very obvious to me when guys don't take the time to even skim my profile. It's not even a long read. It's a couple of short sentences about how I am literally looking for friends, what my interests are, and what kind of person (I hope) I am. Asking me questions that can be answered by peeling open your eyes for like 2 seconds is not going to secure a response from me.

8. I don't want your phone number. Not right away, anyway. Mostly because I don't want to give you mine right away because the more that happens the more I risk having to eventually change my number. It's always so unnerving when your second message to me is your phone number. Why? So we can now continue this ever so promising 1 message long relationship via text message? No, please.

9. Not all online daters are shallow. You sent me an 'interested' sign, I checked out your profile. I didn't message you. You then message me and ask how dare I not message you back after you click 'interested'. I must be shallow or just cruel. Right? Or maybe I saw that you're old enough to be my dad, you have 'being awesome' listed as one of your hobbies and you have 5 kids.

10. Cheesy pickup lines online, too? We're all on this site for a common reason. To meet someone new. Whether that person is going to be a new friend, a new relationship or a new whatever. I don't need you to add insult to injury by using any form of pickup line to get me to speak to you. That includes also the cheesy one liner compliments. "Hey beautiful" "Hey cutie pie". I couldn't imagine myself ever sending a message to a random stranger and saying "Hello, handsome!" It just cheapens the whole experience for me.

I just do better meeting people and making friends in person. I have slowly brought myself to this conclusion.

I am going to keep trying and I haven't deleted my account...yet. Like I said before, I know people who have actually been successful in this way! I just don't know if it's the 'way' for me.

A 2 Part Listicle (pt 1)

One of my favorite parts about the internet is the LISTS. A lot of people hate lists and a lot of writers hate lists. I am neither a person nor am I a writer because on a list of Things I Love:

1. Lists are number 1! I seriously love lists. Especially when lists are happy! A list of things someone loves is probably my favorite thing in the world. You can essentially learn a lot about people by their "list". Also, the more we talk about the things we love, the better off we are. I love you, lists. All of you. 

2. Owls. Long story short, I was being extremely grumpy one day and my weird ass middle brother showed me his impression of a burrowing owl. Which was so stupid and hilarious... I now equate owls with belly laughs. I often refer to them as 'owies' because I'm actually 12 years. My mom bought me some kitchen towels with owls on them. I refer to them as my "owie towies'. *Issues run deep with this one*

3. Really terrible music. It's no secret that I have a tendency to listen to shitty music. Not like universally shitty like Nickelback or Creed. No, it actually might be worse.. because on my current playlist I have such things as Miley Cyrus, One Direction and Selena Gomez. I like to think that the Aesop Rock, Atmosphere and Josh Martinez that are also included on the previously aforementioned playlist allows me some leeway from too much judgement, though. I'm 28 and I will still party like I'm 18 to some pop music.

4. Guys in Hats. Not to be mistaken with guys in cowboy hats, top hats or *shudder* fedoras. I mean ball caps. Not flat billed hats. Ball caps. Like the ones that show off their favorite sports team or store they frequent. Not that a nicely gelled or 'pasted' hair style isn't good with me, there is just something about a hat. Also under the hat is probably messy hair. And who doesn't love messy hair?

5. Orange Beers. Sometimes referred to as the 'beermosa'. I can't get enough of these things. They are refreshing on a hot day, soothing on a stressful day, and perfectly acceptable on a day that reaches 20 below zero. I take mine with Miller Light and OJ. Sometimes a Blue Moon or a Raspberry Wheat Shock Top. Mostly I'm happy with a Miller Light and OJ. I am literally drooling right now.

6. Well gin shots. Warm gin, straight up. Shot glass. Family. It's definitely a family tradition and it is just something we do.

7. Someecards. I have made so many of these things. Here, I'll share a few of my personal favorites that I have made. Feel free to share or save.

There are definitely a lot of things in this life that I love. I have been fortunate enough to find my happiness in these last 6 years and I'm grateful for all the amazing experiences that are to come. 

These are just 7 out of a million. Find your happy in the little things! That's the only advice I know I can give.