A couple of months ago I had plans for this weekend. Plans that would have determined a lot of different things about my life. If these plans were still in effect as they were a few months ago, the dinner I had with girls from work last night wouldn't have happened. There are other things and people that currently exist in my life that wouldn't exist had these plans not fallen through as well.
I say fallen through as if things just kind of didn't work out. Which they didn't, obviously, but not just circumstance... Anyway.
It's funny... this weekend could have been substantially different than the weekend I am living currently. So even though Thursday isn't technically the weekend it still counts as something that would have never happened. I got to finally see the city. The actual city. It was amazing. My tour guide was hilarious and took me to a lot of vastly different places. From one of the more ghetto areas to an extremely ritzy area. Through uptown and then through NoDa. NoDa is full of hipsters and I found myself strangely drawn to it! There is a lot more to see, I'm sure, and I'm looking forward to checking more of it out eventually.
And then Last night I laughed with girlfriends. I haven't laughed with girlfriends since I left Montana. We told stories and made jokes and just in general got to know each other outside of work. There was very little work talk and really we just talked about our lives and future plans and how we got to where we are today. It was awesome and I think I could really fall into wonderful friendships with these girls. Very happy with where I am in that regard. And then today I finally made it out to Kitty City in Concord. I fell in love with an unexpected little fella. He's white and grey and his name is Thor. I will be changing that name immediately to Kevin. Immediately.
I was going to go around town and do a few more things but upon leaving Kitty City I realized I was absolutely covered in cat hair and while I am not afraid of 'cat lady status', I cannot wear it like a badge of honor because honestly it just looks ridiculous. So I came home and all of these thoughts occurred to me so here I am writing them out for everyone back home to see. That really is the point of all of this. To keep everyone updated.
I'm eating and preying and loving this entire situation and had the plans that fell through not fallen through this weekend... I would be in a substantially different place in my life right now. I am so glad that whatever it was ended because something better has definitely pulled together in my life to show me how absolutely grateful I should be to be who I am.
I left behind all of my friends and all of my family to go on an adventure and while I am absolutely missing every single one of them right now, I assure you all that I couldn't be happier in this current situation.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Early Morning Early Warning
My entire life I've been warned about the people I'm hanging out with. There have been warnings as far back as I can remember. "She's a bad influence" "He'll break your heart" "She parties a lot" "She'll get you in trouble" "He's nothing but trouble"
I've come to the conclusion in my 28 years of life that those are exactly the kind of people I want to hang out with. The ones I'm being warned about.
One of my best friends of 20+ years is one that I was warned about. My mom (love you) even told me that I shouldn't hang out with her. "She's a little wild!" she used to say to me. Fast forward 20 years later and that friend and I are still thick as thieves. Hundreds of miles apart for the last 10 years but still very close at heart. In fact, she is one of the only friends that I have that I never actually got in trouble with. Not with the law anyway!
2 of my other best friends brought up some warnings early in life as well. It was later found out their true intentions as to why they befriended me but after some very serious 8th grade counseling sessions (seriously) we all made it work and came together. I actually am still thanking my lucky stars that I did have such attractive brothers, or else these 2 wouldn't have ever been such major parts of my life! We joke about it now because now it's funny. It did hurt back then but when they both looked at me with those 8th grade tears in their eyes and basically said "We did this really awful thing to you only to realize you're actually a really great person and we want to be your friend." It was cute and touching and a lot of tears were shed that day! Seriously, it's been 14 years since those counseling sessions and I still talk to them more than I do most people!
I've found, though, that often times the ones giving the warnings are the ones I should be cautious of. In high school a girl I thought was a very good friend of mine was warning me about the group of girls I was hanging out with. She had some very unpleasant ways of referencing them and even told me I should "thank her" for making me as "popular" as I was. Seriously. She said those words to me. I can't even make that up. Next thing I know that girl is running off to go to school elsewhere and I never had to deal with her nastiness again.
So really all the people I've been warned about all have 2 things in common: they came with warnings and me. I'm not saying I'm the best friend anyone could have and I'm not saying I haven't been screwed over by these people I've been warned about... I'm just saying that I can get along with most anyone in most any situation and other peoples experiences will never influence my decisions. Ever. Giving people a chance is the reason why we are people. We're humans. We all screw up and do unsavory things to other humans. I've been a shiesty person a time or two in my life but that doesn't mean I should come with a warning necessarily.
Also, how could you not love me? I'm awesome.
I've come to the conclusion in my 28 years of life that those are exactly the kind of people I want to hang out with. The ones I'm being warned about.
One of my best friends of 20+ years is one that I was warned about. My mom (love you) even told me that I shouldn't hang out with her. "She's a little wild!" she used to say to me. Fast forward 20 years later and that friend and I are still thick as thieves. Hundreds of miles apart for the last 10 years but still very close at heart. In fact, she is one of the only friends that I have that I never actually got in trouble with. Not with the law anyway!
2 of my other best friends brought up some warnings early in life as well. It was later found out their true intentions as to why they befriended me but after some very serious 8th grade counseling sessions (seriously) we all made it work and came together. I actually am still thanking my lucky stars that I did have such attractive brothers, or else these 2 wouldn't have ever been such major parts of my life! We joke about it now because now it's funny. It did hurt back then but when they both looked at me with those 8th grade tears in their eyes and basically said "We did this really awful thing to you only to realize you're actually a really great person and we want to be your friend." It was cute and touching and a lot of tears were shed that day! Seriously, it's been 14 years since those counseling sessions and I still talk to them more than I do most people!
I've found, though, that often times the ones giving the warnings are the ones I should be cautious of. In high school a girl I thought was a very good friend of mine was warning me about the group of girls I was hanging out with. She had some very unpleasant ways of referencing them and even told me I should "thank her" for making me as "popular" as I was. Seriously. She said those words to me. I can't even make that up. Next thing I know that girl is running off to go to school elsewhere and I never had to deal with her nastiness again.
So really all the people I've been warned about all have 2 things in common: they came with warnings and me. I'm not saying I'm the best friend anyone could have and I'm not saying I haven't been screwed over by these people I've been warned about... I'm just saying that I can get along with most anyone in most any situation and other peoples experiences will never influence my decisions. Ever. Giving people a chance is the reason why we are people. We're humans. We all screw up and do unsavory things to other humans. I've been a shiesty person a time or two in my life but that doesn't mean I should come with a warning necessarily.
Also, how could you not love me? I'm awesome.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Dream A Little Dream pt2
First of all, I dream constantly. When I was a little girl I would tell my dad (in great detail) about the dreams I had the night before. They've always been vivid, in color, full sound. I can control my dreams. If I recognize it's a dream, they turn into video games and I can actually make them go however I want. I have had repeat dreams more times than I can count and they are the best video game dreams because I can make them better than before. I fly a lot. Not a stand and take off fly though. I run really fast and I just take off. Like an airplane. I had a dream once where I was a bird. An actual bird. It was pretty interesting.
I've had dream friends since I could remember, too. I know they say everyone in our dreams are people we've actually seen in conscious life, but some of these people have been appearing in my dreams since I was a child. I don't know their names and I never get a clear face, but I know they are the same people. I don't know if I believe that dreams mean anything because I honestly think they are just our subconscious giving us pictures as to how we view the world. My world is sometimes terrifying, but most the time it's just a good time. (Life imitating dreams.. clearly)
Last night I had this dream where Bon Jovi (gross) was playing a concert in my mom's backyard. My brother and I decided we'd rather see Sublime so we headed up to the college to watch their show. When we got home Bon Jovi was still tearing down and I was exhausted and drunk. I asked them who they were and they all at the same time replied "Bon Jovi". I told them I'd never heard of them and asked what they sing. They listed a what's what of their greatest hits and I pretended like they must not be that big yet. I could feel the frustration at this point but I kept arguing anyways. At this point I realized it was a dream and with that I started telling them how terrible and cliche they were. I basically chewed out Bon Jovi and it felt like heaven.
I've had multiple dreams like this that have just stuck with me. One that I had in high school will never leave me. Everyone was up at the college in my hometown (I dream about this place a lot) and everyone was in line getting vaccinated for various things. I got sick of waiting and decided to walk home. Nearing the parking lot of the college I realize there is a guy in a jeep and he offers to give me a ride. I know this guy, but not that I can recall in real life have I ever actually met him. Dark hair, born eyes, great eyebrows. It's really snowy out and as we're driving I notice he's passed my mom's house. He flips around in front of the catholic church and heads back in the right direction. As he drops me off he writes his number on a piece of paper (pre-cellphone era) and it was 153-5166. I still don't know what this number means and I've never forgotten it. As soon as I woke up I wrote it down and it's just stayed with me.
Like I said before, I don't know if dreams mean anything or if they are just little plays our brain puts on for us as we sleep. Sleep would be really boring without dreams and I don't know how people who don't dream manage to sleep through the night.
The worst dreams are the ones where you wake up sobbing uncontrollably though... I'll save that for another post.
I've had dream friends since I could remember, too. I know they say everyone in our dreams are people we've actually seen in conscious life, but some of these people have been appearing in my dreams since I was a child. I don't know their names and I never get a clear face, but I know they are the same people. I don't know if I believe that dreams mean anything because I honestly think they are just our subconscious giving us pictures as to how we view the world. My world is sometimes terrifying, but most the time it's just a good time. (Life imitating dreams.. clearly)
Last night I had this dream where Bon Jovi (gross) was playing a concert in my mom's backyard. My brother and I decided we'd rather see Sublime so we headed up to the college to watch their show. When we got home Bon Jovi was still tearing down and I was exhausted and drunk. I asked them who they were and they all at the same time replied "Bon Jovi". I told them I'd never heard of them and asked what they sing. They listed a what's what of their greatest hits and I pretended like they must not be that big yet. I could feel the frustration at this point but I kept arguing anyways. At this point I realized it was a dream and with that I started telling them how terrible and cliche they were. I basically chewed out Bon Jovi and it felt like heaven.
I've had multiple dreams like this that have just stuck with me. One that I had in high school will never leave me. Everyone was up at the college in my hometown (I dream about this place a lot) and everyone was in line getting vaccinated for various things. I got sick of waiting and decided to walk home. Nearing the parking lot of the college I realize there is a guy in a jeep and he offers to give me a ride. I know this guy, but not that I can recall in real life have I ever actually met him. Dark hair, born eyes, great eyebrows. It's really snowy out and as we're driving I notice he's passed my mom's house. He flips around in front of the catholic church and heads back in the right direction. As he drops me off he writes his number on a piece of paper (pre-cellphone era) and it was 153-5166. I still don't know what this number means and I've never forgotten it. As soon as I woke up I wrote it down and it's just stayed with me.
Like I said before, I don't know if dreams mean anything or if they are just little plays our brain puts on for us as we sleep. Sleep would be really boring without dreams and I don't know how people who don't dream manage to sleep through the night.
The worst dreams are the ones where you wake up sobbing uncontrollably though... I'll save that for another post.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Friendship Date (A day late!)
Friendship day was yesterday (August 3rd). I missed it! Fortunately I talked to a few of my good friends back home. Life has actually kept on going since I left. I'm surprised you're all functioning so well without me. I know how hard it was for everyone to say goodbye to me. I was like the glue that held that little town together so I'm glad to see that I left a residue... :)
So today I was looking at various 'friendship quote' things on Pinterest. I was rather disappointed. None of them seemed at all to match up to what my personal friendships are like. They're all cheesy, over the top, lame, or old jokes. None of them accurately describe the various friendships I have had over the years. I have some ranging from 23+ years to 2 years. I value all of these friendships though because these people absolutely get me. They just do. They all understand this girl.
So since I was sorely disappointed in what Pinterest had available, I decided to write a few of my own friendship quotes. Ones that actually pertain to the varying friendships I have in my life.
"Sometimes I ignore your phone calls and tell you the next morning it was because I was sleeping. Really, I was watching Netflix and didn't want to be interrupted. But I still love you."
"When you do something stupid I will tell you that no one even noticed, but really everyone one did but I don't think you need to know that on top of the stupid thing you already just did."
"I often times think of all the stupid shit we did growing up and realize - we're children. And always will be."
"You make me a better person. Wait, you make me a drunker person -- That's more accurate."
"Sometimes all I want to do is call you and tell you about my day and not have to hear about your day because really I'm only calling to talk and not to listen."
And Lastly:
"I cannot imagine not loving you every single day that I have loved you since we very first met."
Truth be told: If you're my friend - You know it. There is never a question. I literally love my friends with my whole heart. Even when we hate each other because of a guy or because one of us was being flakey or because one of us was being completely annoying. Even when we say really terrible things to each other when we're drunk or ghost on the other while we're downtown.
My friends are irreplaceable.
So today I was looking at various 'friendship quote' things on Pinterest. I was rather disappointed. None of them seemed at all to match up to what my personal friendships are like. They're all cheesy, over the top, lame, or old jokes. None of them accurately describe the various friendships I have had over the years. I have some ranging from 23+ years to 2 years. I value all of these friendships though because these people absolutely get me. They just do. They all understand this girl.
So since I was sorely disappointed in what Pinterest had available, I decided to write a few of my own friendship quotes. Ones that actually pertain to the varying friendships I have in my life.
"Sometimes I ignore your phone calls and tell you the next morning it was because I was sleeping. Really, I was watching Netflix and didn't want to be interrupted. But I still love you."
"When you do something stupid I will tell you that no one even noticed, but really everyone one did but I don't think you need to know that on top of the stupid thing you already just did."
"I often times think of all the stupid shit we did growing up and realize - we're children. And always will be."
"You make me a better person. Wait, you make me a drunker person -- That's more accurate."
"Sometimes all I want to do is call you and tell you about my day and not have to hear about your day because really I'm only calling to talk and not to listen."
And Lastly:
"I cannot imagine not loving you every single day that I have loved you since we very first met."
Truth be told: If you're my friend - You know it. There is never a question. I literally love my friends with my whole heart. Even when we hate each other because of a guy or because one of us was being flakey or because one of us was being completely annoying. Even when we say really terrible things to each other when we're drunk or ghost on the other while we're downtown.
My friends are irreplaceable.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Back to the Basics
Trying to think of things to write lately has been difficult. I have thoughts and opinions but I have become more worried lately about what people are going to think about my thoughts and opinions. I have recently stopped writing for myself and have started writing for whoever is reading. That's terrible and that's not at all how a real writer should be. I'm not going to impress everyone and I'm definitely not going to make or break relationships by keeping everything rated G or letting everything fluctuate into an R rating. I started this because I do have a voice and I do have my own shit going on. I'm on the adventure of a lifetime!
I've also found that I'm losing my writing style. I'm trying to compare myself to writers on other blogs and I'm finding that it's actually killing my own thought process. I don't need to use every $5 word in the book in order to get my point across. I like things black or white. I like not having a gray area. I like knowing and not being kept in the dark or lead on.. so why am I treating my potential readers the same way? I need to get back the point of this whole thing and that was to keep friends and family in touch with what it is I have been up to.
So let's get back to the basics by saying things have been happening lately and I believe them to be good things. I am trying to throw off my old habits by not actually putting all my eggs in one basket but luckily, because of my past experiences.. I have learned that slow and steady wins the race. So I'm going to actually just leave that as is because I don't know what else to say at this point. It could be good. I'm hoping it's good but won't be destroyed if it's not good. It's life.
I recently joined back up with the rest of the world and hooked up cable and internet. I have spent a total of 2 minutes watching TV (mostly to check and make sure I have AMC) and the rest of the time has been spent with my new boyfriend: Netflix. Well not new, we've actually been in a relationship for a lot of years. Back when DVDs and streaming came hand in hand. We took a break from each other but our relationship is still firm. That's what love is -- I think. Clearly, I'm an expert.
Today is going to be (well it's supposed to be) a productive day if I could peel myself away from the Roku and get in the damn shower. I have to pay rent, get an oil change, join the gym and clean my apartment.
Maybe it's not a full day, but Netflix and I have plans later.
I've also found that I'm losing my writing style. I'm trying to compare myself to writers on other blogs and I'm finding that it's actually killing my own thought process. I don't need to use every $5 word in the book in order to get my point across. I like things black or white. I like not having a gray area. I like knowing and not being kept in the dark or lead on.. so why am I treating my potential readers the same way? I need to get back the point of this whole thing and that was to keep friends and family in touch with what it is I have been up to.
So let's get back to the basics by saying things have been happening lately and I believe them to be good things. I am trying to throw off my old habits by not actually putting all my eggs in one basket but luckily, because of my past experiences.. I have learned that slow and steady wins the race. So I'm going to actually just leave that as is because I don't know what else to say at this point. It could be good. I'm hoping it's good but won't be destroyed if it's not good. It's life.
I recently joined back up with the rest of the world and hooked up cable and internet. I have spent a total of 2 minutes watching TV (mostly to check and make sure I have AMC) and the rest of the time has been spent with my new boyfriend: Netflix. Well not new, we've actually been in a relationship for a lot of years. Back when DVDs and streaming came hand in hand. We took a break from each other but our relationship is still firm. That's what love is -- I think. Clearly, I'm an expert.
Today is going to be (well it's supposed to be) a productive day if I could peel myself away from the Roku and get in the damn shower. I have to pay rent, get an oil change, join the gym and clean my apartment.
Maybe it's not a full day, but Netflix and I have plans later.
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