So, really, I was raised in a pack of wolves. My brothers are animals. They were absolutely the worst human beings. Just complete down to the core assholes. I mean that in the nicest way.
But that always worked to my benefit. While they both disliked me a majority of our childhood, I could count on either one of them to have my back if anyone was being awful to me. So let's start there.
1. Built In Security System. One of the things I loved about being the baby of the family, is that I was baby of the family with 2 older brothers. Basically, if you were mean to me... you were done. Probably my favorite memory of this in action would be when a kid in elementary school was relentless. He was awful to me. All the time. The school wouldn't do anything and I think my mom was sick of me coming home in tears every single day. So, instead of having smoke blown up her 'a' by the administration once again, she said something to my middle brother. I do believe it was the very next day I witnessed that problem being taken care of. It still warms my heart.
2. Thick skin. Well let's be honest here. Even though I grew up being picked on and tortured.. I'm still a sensitive Sally. But they did teach me a lot of come backs and witty things to say later in life.
3. As adults, I now have 2 built in best friends. So they may not see it this way, but they seriously are 2 of the best friends a girl could have. They are still assholes, but so am I. We treat each other terribly but seriously, when it comes down to the important stuff, they are always there. J more than likely will tell me how completely ridiculous I'm being while B will basically tell me to grow up. They have never sugar coated anything with me. They are the absolute definition of what good tough love is. And I love them for it.
4. Really really really great taste in music. It's true! I like some absolute shit, however, my brothers both gave me an ear for good music. It may have started with our mother as she pretty much had us listening to Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin in the womb, but these two guys seriously instilled a love for all things music in me at an early age. B always loved the heavy stuff. Pantera, Metallica.. you name it. There was a lot of it happening in my house. J was always more diverse and completely different than anyone. Once we downloaded Napster in our house the sky was the limit. I don't mean to sound totally hipster here, but we were listening to stuff before anyone else in our area had ever heard of it. J has always been good about that. He still to this day sends me songs from artists of which I have never heard, and it takes a while for the rest of the world to catch up.
5. I am really choosy. I may end up single forever because of these clowns. I know this doesn't sound like a good thing, and really I hope I don't end up single forever, but they've made this dating thing really hard on a girl in a really good way. I look up to these two guys so much and their opinions mean the absolute world to me. I couldn't imagine being with someone, dating someone, marrying someone... if these 2 didn't approve. If they didn't love him, how could I? It's not that hard to be someone these two would like to be around though. Be funny, be nice to their sister, and be ready to have someone pick you apart, make fun of you, and absolutely be ready to give it all back to them. In my family, if you can't take a lot of sarcastic jabbing, then you my friend, will not make it out alive.
Like I said: they're animals. But they're also 2 of my very best friends in the world.
Also, they're going to hate this post and I'm going to get no end of grief for writing it.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Friday, July 25, 2014
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!
When I lived in Dillon (a whole 1.5 weeks ago), I'd get off of work, go home and practically ignore the fact that there was an outside world. If I went straight home after work I typically stayed there. I cannot even fathom doing that here. I used to just sit right down and watch TV. Or sometimes make it to the gym. Mostly though, if I made it home I stayed there.
Here I find myself getting home around 3:50-4pm. I do some things. Put dishes away that I've left out to dry, straighten up my bathroom, make my bed, etc. Then around 5 I always think that's the perfect time to go out and do things. Find some place to shop and/or spend money. Groceries, decorations, nonsense. I try to get to my destinations based on street names alone and most of the time I do just fine. I can now make it from my apartment to Walmart and back without so much as looking at my GPS. It's freeing. It really is.
Last night, I was caught in what can only be describe as a torrential downpour. You ain't neva seen a stawm like we had last nigh'. The lightning was literally striking in the neighborhood across from mine. As I was driving home with a trunk full of stuff for my little abode, I was splashed by this lake that had formed in the middle of the main street. Seconds of not being able to see. I think normally this is a situation in which I would have panicked. Pulled over, cried a little and then put myself together and carried on my way. Last night though I couldn't help but laugh! The driver that splashed me slowed way down and I looked at him and he looked mortified. As if he did it on purpose. I was laughing so hard he probably thinks I'm absolutely crazy. I've never seen such a body of water form in the middle of a road like that.
It's little instances like this that show me how much I've already changed for the better. Now, I always always put all my eggs in one basket. It's just what I do, however, I feel very comfortable saying that this place has honestly made me twice the independent person I was before I got here. I still have yet to find myself in a bar or restaurant by myself. But today is Friday.
Who knows where this night will take me.
Here I find myself getting home around 3:50-4pm. I do some things. Put dishes away that I've left out to dry, straighten up my bathroom, make my bed, etc. Then around 5 I always think that's the perfect time to go out and do things. Find some place to shop and/or spend money. Groceries, decorations, nonsense. I try to get to my destinations based on street names alone and most of the time I do just fine. I can now make it from my apartment to Walmart and back without so much as looking at my GPS. It's freeing. It really is.
Last night, I was caught in what can only be describe as a torrential downpour. You ain't neva seen a stawm like we had last nigh'. The lightning was literally striking in the neighborhood across from mine. As I was driving home with a trunk full of stuff for my little abode, I was splashed by this lake that had formed in the middle of the main street. Seconds of not being able to see. I think normally this is a situation in which I would have panicked. Pulled over, cried a little and then put myself together and carried on my way. Last night though I couldn't help but laugh! The driver that splashed me slowed way down and I looked at him and he looked mortified. As if he did it on purpose. I was laughing so hard he probably thinks I'm absolutely crazy. I've never seen such a body of water form in the middle of a road like that.
It's little instances like this that show me how much I've already changed for the better. Now, I always always put all my eggs in one basket. It's just what I do, however, I feel very comfortable saying that this place has honestly made me twice the independent person I was before I got here. I still have yet to find myself in a bar or restaurant by myself. But today is Friday.
Who knows where this night will take me.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
A Life Alone is a Life Worth Living (A listicle)
This list is inspired by a friends' Facebook status today. She gave a brief 'pro and con' over living alone.
A week into it and I have a few of my own:
PRO I can literally talk to myself about anything and no one is going to say "Are you talking to me or yourself". It's nice to have these moments with myself. I understand me.
CON I pretty much have to talk to myself all the time because I'm a talker and when there is no one else around to talk to, I'll still continue to talk. I like an audience, but really... I need no audience.
PRO No judgement for any decision made within those walls. Seriously! I can eat dinner pantsless, in bed watching Sex in the City. Dinner can be as healthy as chicken tacos or as bad (but delicious) as Bojangles.
CON No judgement means I can pretty much fall into any and all bad habits without any qualms. Something I need to already check myself on.
PRO Sometimes, I can leave a cup in the sink over night and not feel like the world is going to end. Seriously, I can even leave my plate next to the sink for a little while and not feel a bit guilty about it.
CON There is literally no one but me to clean up after myself so, really, things get cleaned rather quickly. That could have a lot to do with the fact that I'm terrified of these bugs down here and I'm not interested in rooming with any of them.
PRO I don't have to share my new couch.. with anyone. It's pretty amazing really. Sprawl out for a nap and no one is gonna show up to interrupt you. You can also drink wine in the middle of afternoon on your couch without anyone passing judgment! An entire bottle of wine. In a water glass.
CON Opening a bottle of wine is hard. I need a boyfriend and/or a better bottle opener. Just to open it. Then they can leave whilst I drink the whole thing.
PRO After you drink a bottle of wine, it is completely okay to just get down on the floor and do some yoga. It may be considered counterproductive, but the relaxing quality of wine and the soothing quality of yoga combined all together is a really incredible feeling.
CON There are literally zero cons to doing yoga after drinking a bottle of wine.
A week into it and I have a few of my own:
PRO I can literally talk to myself about anything and no one is going to say "Are you talking to me or yourself". It's nice to have these moments with myself. I understand me.
CON I pretty much have to talk to myself all the time because I'm a talker and when there is no one else around to talk to, I'll still continue to talk. I like an audience, but really... I need no audience.
PRO No judgement for any decision made within those walls. Seriously! I can eat dinner pantsless, in bed watching Sex in the City. Dinner can be as healthy as chicken tacos or as bad (but delicious) as Bojangles.
CON No judgement means I can pretty much fall into any and all bad habits without any qualms. Something I need to already check myself on.
PRO Sometimes, I can leave a cup in the sink over night and not feel like the world is going to end. Seriously, I can even leave my plate next to the sink for a little while and not feel a bit guilty about it.
CON There is literally no one but me to clean up after myself so, really, things get cleaned rather quickly. That could have a lot to do with the fact that I'm terrified of these bugs down here and I'm not interested in rooming with any of them.
PRO I don't have to share my new couch.. with anyone. It's pretty amazing really. Sprawl out for a nap and no one is gonna show up to interrupt you. You can also drink wine in the middle of afternoon on your couch without anyone passing judgment! An entire bottle of wine. In a water glass.
CON Opening a bottle of wine is hard. I need a boyfriend and/or a better bottle opener. Just to open it. Then they can leave whilst I drink the whole thing.
PRO After you drink a bottle of wine, it is completely okay to just get down on the floor and do some yoga. It may be considered counterproductive, but the relaxing quality of wine and the soothing quality of yoga combined all together is a really incredible feeling.
CON There are literally zero cons to doing yoga after drinking a bottle of wine.
Monday, July 21, 2014
NC to PA.. A Quick Weekend Trip
What a fast weekend that was!
I decided to drive (again). It was another experience though! I cannot live short of those. I drove up to PA to visit some friends and it was definitely needed! The drive... wow. I hit Virginia and then West Virginia. I made a surprise appearance in Maryland and then about the time I realized where I was, I entered into Pennsylvania. It was rainy and dark by the time I really got into PA and wasn't so impressed with the beginning of that leg of the drive. I was on some random windy road called Garret's Shortcut. Come to find out, a friend of mine in PA grew up there. So of course my drive home I took it all in. At night it's just a windy road, during the day it was something entirely different. It was extremely beautiful and peaceful farmland. It was full of old barns and silos. There were fields of farmland as green as I've ever seen them. The road was windy but I did manage to snap a few pictures.
Now, I realize I've only been here a week but seeing all those familiar faces was pretty incredible really. For the most part, I haven't seen any of them for over a year. It's always like no time has passed though. They are such a remarkable group of people. One of my best friends from high school moved over there right after graduation. And I don't know about her, but I am beyond glad that she did. She seriously fell into the greatest group of people I have ever met. The fact that me, her friend from high school, can also fall into place with them is really rare.
I just appreciate all the support from them and everyone back home. My heart literally hurts every time I have ever visited and then left Pennsylvania. I feel such pull from that state. It might just be a pull from the people, but I can tell that I belong there. Eventually. For some time. One day. Maybe for a year, maybe for 10. Definitely one day though, I'll live there. I always said I would. From the very first time to leaving there yesterday. I feel a weird connection to that town.
One thing at a time though. I'm still eating, preying and loving this area that I am in and this place in my life.
I decided to drive (again). It was another experience though! I cannot live short of those. I drove up to PA to visit some friends and it was definitely needed! The drive... wow. I hit Virginia and then West Virginia. I made a surprise appearance in Maryland and then about the time I realized where I was, I entered into Pennsylvania. It was rainy and dark by the time I really got into PA and wasn't so impressed with the beginning of that leg of the drive. I was on some random windy road called Garret's Shortcut. Come to find out, a friend of mine in PA grew up there. So of course my drive home I took it all in. At night it's just a windy road, during the day it was something entirely different. It was extremely beautiful and peaceful farmland. It was full of old barns and silos. There were fields of farmland as green as I've ever seen them. The road was windy but I did manage to snap a few pictures.
Now, I realize I've only been here a week but seeing all those familiar faces was pretty incredible really. For the most part, I haven't seen any of them for over a year. It's always like no time has passed though. They are such a remarkable group of people. One of my best friends from high school moved over there right after graduation. And I don't know about her, but I am beyond glad that she did. She seriously fell into the greatest group of people I have ever met. The fact that me, her friend from high school, can also fall into place with them is really rare.
I just appreciate all the support from them and everyone back home. My heart literally hurts every time I have ever visited and then left Pennsylvania. I feel such pull from that state. It might just be a pull from the people, but I can tell that I belong there. Eventually. For some time. One day. Maybe for a year, maybe for 10. Definitely one day though, I'll live there. I always said I would. From the very first time to leaving there yesterday. I feel a weird connection to that town.
One thing at a time though. I'm still eating, preying and loving this area that I am in and this place in my life.
Friday, July 18, 2014
New Life!
I haven't updated this in a while because I literally have nothing to write about. I guess for now I can say that I absolutely love my new office. Everyone is very friendly and sweet. I am impressed with how many of them have popped over to say Hi or requested I find them so we can finally meet face to face. It was a nerve wracking first morning on Wednesday. I went to the wrong building first and then when I found the right building I was in the wrong parking lot! Oh well, I made it and it's been a ride.
Although I'm technically alone in this giant city, I have yet to feel actually alone. I don't have Wi-Fi or cable at the new place so I've been watching a lot of "Sex in the City" that I have on DVD. I also went ahead and bought "Seinfeld" and a season of "Friends". I go to the grocery store, cook dinner, do laundry. I FaceTime with family and text with friends. I snap as many pictures of this experience as possible.
I miss everyone back home so much, but not enough to give up. I am pushing forward in this new adventure and things are happening quickly. I head to Pennsylvania to see some friends tonight and then Monday I start a book club. (I have yet to finish the book.. I better get busy). That will give me a huge opportunity to meet some brand new people. I have to drive into Charlotte, which is terrifying, but I'm learning.
I'm learning that you do not drive the speed limit here. Like EVER. It's a mere suggestion. 10-15 miles over is what the actual speed limit is according to everyone here. On my 3rd day into the commute I am comfortable enough to put my music on blast and have a little concert in my car on the way to work. It's crazy how being in a place with 800,000 people has completely raised my self esteem. I feel like I could do absolutely anything!
Anyway, I am excited to get on the road tonight and I'm excited to head back to MT for Labor Day weekend. I'm just excited to do just about anything right now.
I'm just excited.
Although I'm technically alone in this giant city, I have yet to feel actually alone. I don't have Wi-Fi or cable at the new place so I've been watching a lot of "Sex in the City" that I have on DVD. I also went ahead and bought "Seinfeld" and a season of "Friends". I go to the grocery store, cook dinner, do laundry. I FaceTime with family and text with friends. I snap as many pictures of this experience as possible.
I miss everyone back home so much, but not enough to give up. I am pushing forward in this new adventure and things are happening quickly. I head to Pennsylvania to see some friends tonight and then Monday I start a book club. (I have yet to finish the book.. I better get busy). That will give me a huge opportunity to meet some brand new people. I have to drive into Charlotte, which is terrifying, but I'm learning.
I'm learning that you do not drive the speed limit here. Like EVER. It's a mere suggestion. 10-15 miles over is what the actual speed limit is according to everyone here. On my 3rd day into the commute I am comfortable enough to put my music on blast and have a little concert in my car on the way to work. It's crazy how being in a place with 800,000 people has completely raised my self esteem. I feel like I could do absolutely anything!
Anyway, I am excited to get on the road tonight and I'm excited to head back to MT for Labor Day weekend. I'm just excited to do just about anything right now.
I'm just excited.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Hey Ya'll. Have a good one!
My goodness! That's about all I can say about today!
I moved into my apartment and it took my mom and I roughly 20 different trips up 3 flights of stairs to get it all into my little 600 sq/ft slice of paradise! Also, this took place in 90 degree weather with 90% humidity. So basically, we kicked ass.
Then we went to this fantastic little furniture outlet and found the perfect couch and an amazing bed! So all in all today went perfectly! My bed and couch don't get delivered until next week so we're back in a motel for the night. I did buy myself a little air mattress to get through the rest of the time though. Luckily this weekend I am heading to PA to see some friends and just relax for a few days. The reality of living in a place of this stature hasn't quite hit me. I assume my commute to work the next few days will help me to realize I am definitely not in Montana anymore (Toto..) Can one make a Wizard of Oz reference if they've never actually seen the movie? Did it. So let's move on.
So far my fridge only contains some lemon shandies and 2 bottles of wine. I plan on actually grocery shopping sometime soon but for now it's hilarious and I'm leaving it like that.
I'm ready to eat, prey, love though. Definitely ready for it. The eat part hasn't been easy. We mostly have forgotten to do that on this trip. Although, we did eat some seriously bomb BBQ this evening for dinner. It happened to be our only meal of the day so it was completely devoured in probably minutes. Prey? I'm already preying on this life. Taking in every minute of it. Love? Yes. It's definitely a possibility.
This was the new start I was looking for and I'm already hungry for more. Also more hush puppies because: the south.
I moved into my apartment and it took my mom and I roughly 20 different trips up 3 flights of stairs to get it all into my little 600 sq/ft slice of paradise! Also, this took place in 90 degree weather with 90% humidity. So basically, we kicked ass.
Then we went to this fantastic little furniture outlet and found the perfect couch and an amazing bed! So all in all today went perfectly! My bed and couch don't get delivered until next week so we're back in a motel for the night. I did buy myself a little air mattress to get through the rest of the time though. Luckily this weekend I am heading to PA to see some friends and just relax for a few days. The reality of living in a place of this stature hasn't quite hit me. I assume my commute to work the next few days will help me to realize I am definitely not in Montana anymore (Toto..) Can one make a Wizard of Oz reference if they've never actually seen the movie? Did it. So let's move on.
So far my fridge only contains some lemon shandies and 2 bottles of wine. I plan on actually grocery shopping sometime soon but for now it's hilarious and I'm leaving it like that.
I'm ready to eat, prey, love though. Definitely ready for it. The eat part hasn't been easy. We mostly have forgotten to do that on this trip. Although, we did eat some seriously bomb BBQ this evening for dinner. It happened to be our only meal of the day so it was completely devoured in probably minutes. Prey? I'm already preying on this life. Taking in every minute of it. Love? Yes. It's definitely a possibility.
This was the new start I was looking for and I'm already hungry for more. Also more hush puppies because: the south.
Dream a Little Dream
I really need a dream interpreter. This one almost blew my mind as far as weirdness.
I literally rode my office chair down to some place where they empty banana boxes and then realized I shouldn't have left work yet so instead of my office chair I stole a car. (I think I was still in Dillon at this time and not NC). I then was involved in gang activity which had me beating a mob boss up with a Billy club.. And then also opening a safe using this same method.
After, I ended up in a house that I thought was my dad's, however, my friend's dead grandmother was in one room and I was just simply told not to go in there. I didn't realize my dad's dog, Junebug, hadn't been outside all day until she disappeared and I then found her in the dead grandma's room peeing in what I assumed to be the same spot she had been peeing in all day. I went in to clean it and that's when I noticed not only is the very obviously passed away grandmother of my friend sitting in there, she's sitting up in a recliner with her eyes wide open staring at whoever walks into the room. All I could think was that I wanted to tell my friend how sweet her grandmother looked...dead.
I cleaned up the pee and that's about when I woke up or stopped remembering my dream.
I have had really bizarre dreams since I was a kid...obviously.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Realizations
10 years ago I graduated high school! I couldn’t wait to get out of the ‘hell hole, death trap’ town that everyone was STUCK in and going nowhere!
I couldn’t wait to run away from the 3 MIPs (minor in possessions).
I couldn’t wait to be independent from my parents. I couldn’t wait to get away from the same boring old routines that everyone falls into in this town.
I couldn’t wait to have real options for stuff to do! Anything was possible outside of this town. I couldn’t wait to be away from all the gossip and people talking shit. I really hated people knowing my business and knowing who I was.
I couldn’t wait to make real money and go out and party constantly and never worry about the cops busting it up.
I couldn’t wait to not be referred to as one of my siblings little sisters or have someone know exactly who my mom was.
I couldn’t wait to get away from the small town mentality and close mindedness that everyone in that town possesses.
I’m really glad I grew up.
Fast forward to now. I just graduated college! I cannot wait to leave Dillon but not because it’s a hell hole that I’m stuck in.
I haven’t been in a single bit of trouble since I was 18 and I value my independence above any other trait I possess. I have fallen into a wonderful routine here that I will never regret. I frequent the same bars, same restaurants and I hang out with the same people. And I love all of it!
There is a lot to do here. You just have to be willing to have a little bit of a creative mind and money for beer. There are a lot of possibilities in this town; however, even I know that working PR in this town would be difficult at best.
Not that I’m in the middle of the gossip, but I hear it and no one talks about me. And if they do, I honestly don’t know where their shit talking would come from. I absolutely love that people know me here now. I love it! They may not know me personally but I’ve met people that have ‘heard of me’ and it’s never been a bad thing.
I have literally not made ‘real money’ in my life. I make enough to get by for a single, kid-free person. I’m comfortable. Partying constantly gets old. Yeah, I said it. I love to drink, but I hate to feel it for 4 days afterwards.
I still cringe when someone says “Oh you’re so and so’s little sister!” I hate it. But I’m also secretly proud when these people also say “I love that guy” referring to either brother or “she’s so sweet!” referring to any of my step sisters and if you know my mom count yourself lucky. She’s absolutely amazing and I will fight you to the death over the fact that my mom IS better than your mom.
This town is small town and the people have their own opinions. The only thing that was close-minded was me. I had a complete inability to realize people are entitled to their own opinions...even if I don’t agree with them! It doesn’t make them ‘bad’ people. We just don’t have discussions related to that topic.
Growing up here wasn’t easy, but growing here made me who I am today.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Always Grateful
Being sad when you say goodbye to friends and family doesn't mean you're making the wrong choice. It actually means that thus far all the choices you have made have been the right ones.
I'm very fortunate to feel this sadness right now. It means that I've been living my life well surrounded by amazing people. This isn't the end of anything. It's the beginning of something new. An adventure. My heart will heal eventually and the sadness I feel will fade but I'll never stop missing the people in my life that have made the last 6 years incredible.
Even when I do meet my new co-workers and make new friends and fall in love, these people will be a part of my life. The experiences I've had with them will carry me through to my next part of life.
I'll always be grateful to this town and these people. And I am looking forward to seeing what the next 6 years of my life will develop into.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Online Dating Observations
Okay so, it's 2014. Most everyone that I know at this point has been on some version of dating site. I've tried a couple. Most recently, I decided to give it another shot because of this move across the country. I figured I could try and make some new friends in advance, however, I've come up short every single time. Maybe it's because I shouldn't be on a dating site to make friends... I am almost certain it's because I am actually the 'meet cute' kind of girl. We're not going to meet sitting on our respective computers, we're going to meet in a grocery store, bowling alley, bar.. somewhere adorable like that. But, it's slowly becoming a realization that I am not meeting any of the Rights online. (Not to discount people who have met their 'others' on dating sites. I know quite a few people actually that have been successful in this way. I'll call them the lucky ones.)
1. If I don't respond, I'm not interested. It's a lot like when someone doesn't respond to me. I can take a hint and move on. You're really not getting it when your "hey beaitufl" goes unanswered? Which takes me to my next point:
2. If there are a lot of lazy spelling errors in your messages, I won't respond. There is the occasional mistype and I get that. Sometimes you transpose letters or auto-correct isn't working to your advantage, but as in the case above, if those are the only two words you're sending me and 50% of it is an error? I'm probably not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
3. Why do you only have pictures of you with other females? If you are trying to attract a woman, any woman, then why are you only posting pictures of yourself with multiple other females? I totally understand you wanting to display how 'attractive' you are to the opposite sex, but if that were true why are you on a dating site? You have 50 friends that are all girls and zero male friends. To me that screams RUN!
4. When I say "I'm actually really independent".. that isn't a bad thing. And it also doesn't mean that "I'm only independent until you come into my life." I don't say these things to make you feel some type of way about me. I seriously mean that my independence is important to me and I can still maintain that even while in a relationship, so don't tell me I won't 'need' to be independent once I meet you.
5. I am looking for new friends is not an invite to proposition me for sex. It does not mean that I am looking for 'friends with benefits' on an online site. I don't think I have to explain this further.
6. No, even online, actually does mean no. This one should actually go along with #5, but I had to reiterate.
7. Please actually read my profile. It's always very obvious to me when guys don't take the time to even skim my profile. It's not even a long read. It's a couple of short sentences about how I am literally looking for friends, what my interests are, and what kind of person (I hope) I am. Asking me questions that can be answered by peeling open your eyes for like 2 seconds is not going to secure a response from me.
8. I don't want your phone number. Not right away, anyway. Mostly because I don't want to give you mine right away because the more that happens the more I risk having to eventually change my number. It's always so unnerving when your second message to me is your phone number. Why? So we can now continue this ever so promising 1 message long relationship via text message? No, please.
9. Not all online daters are shallow. You sent me an 'interested' sign, I checked out your profile. I didn't message you. You then message me and ask how dare I not message you back after you click 'interested'. I must be shallow or just cruel. Right? Or maybe I saw that you're old enough to be my dad, you have 'being awesome' listed as one of your hobbies and you have 5 kids.
10. Cheesy pickup lines online, too? We're all on this site for a common reason. To meet someone new. Whether that person is going to be a new friend, a new relationship or a new whatever. I don't need you to add insult to injury by using any form of pickup line to get me to speak to you. That includes also the cheesy one liner compliments. "Hey beautiful" "Hey cutie pie". I couldn't imagine myself ever sending a message to a random stranger and saying "Hello, handsome!" It just cheapens the whole experience for me.
I just do better meeting people and making friends in person. I have slowly brought myself to this conclusion.
I am going to keep trying and I haven't deleted my account...yet. Like I said before, I know people who have actually been successful in this way! I just don't know if it's the 'way' for me.
1. If I don't respond, I'm not interested. It's a lot like when someone doesn't respond to me. I can take a hint and move on. You're really not getting it when your "hey beaitufl" goes unanswered? Which takes me to my next point:
2. If there are a lot of lazy spelling errors in your messages, I won't respond. There is the occasional mistype and I get that. Sometimes you transpose letters or auto-correct isn't working to your advantage, but as in the case above, if those are the only two words you're sending me and 50% of it is an error? I'm probably not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
3. Why do you only have pictures of you with other females? If you are trying to attract a woman, any woman, then why are you only posting pictures of yourself with multiple other females? I totally understand you wanting to display how 'attractive' you are to the opposite sex, but if that were true why are you on a dating site? You have 50 friends that are all girls and zero male friends. To me that screams RUN!
4. When I say "I'm actually really independent".. that isn't a bad thing. And it also doesn't mean that "I'm only independent until you come into my life." I don't say these things to make you feel some type of way about me. I seriously mean that my independence is important to me and I can still maintain that even while in a relationship, so don't tell me I won't 'need' to be independent once I meet you.
5. I am looking for new friends is not an invite to proposition me for sex. It does not mean that I am looking for 'friends with benefits' on an online site. I don't think I have to explain this further.
6. No, even online, actually does mean no. This one should actually go along with #5, but I had to reiterate.
7. Please actually read my profile. It's always very obvious to me when guys don't take the time to even skim my profile. It's not even a long read. It's a couple of short sentences about how I am literally looking for friends, what my interests are, and what kind of person (I hope) I am. Asking me questions that can be answered by peeling open your eyes for like 2 seconds is not going to secure a response from me.
8. I don't want your phone number. Not right away, anyway. Mostly because I don't want to give you mine right away because the more that happens the more I risk having to eventually change my number. It's always so unnerving when your second message to me is your phone number. Why? So we can now continue this ever so promising 1 message long relationship via text message? No, please.
9. Not all online daters are shallow. You sent me an 'interested' sign, I checked out your profile. I didn't message you. You then message me and ask how dare I not message you back after you click 'interested'. I must be shallow or just cruel. Right? Or maybe I saw that you're old enough to be my dad, you have 'being awesome' listed as one of your hobbies and you have 5 kids.
10. Cheesy pickup lines online, too? We're all on this site for a common reason. To meet someone new. Whether that person is going to be a new friend, a new relationship or a new whatever. I don't need you to add insult to injury by using any form of pickup line to get me to speak to you. That includes also the cheesy one liner compliments. "Hey beautiful" "Hey cutie pie". I couldn't imagine myself ever sending a message to a random stranger and saying "Hello, handsome!" It just cheapens the whole experience for me.
I just do better meeting people and making friends in person. I have slowly brought myself to this conclusion.
I am going to keep trying and I haven't deleted my account...yet. Like I said before, I know people who have actually been successful in this way! I just don't know if it's the 'way' for me.
A 2 Part Listicle (pt 1)
One of my favorite parts about the internet is the LISTS. A lot of people hate lists and a lot of writers hate lists. I am neither a person nor am I a writer because on a list of Things I Love:
There are definitely a lot of things in this life that I love. I have been fortunate enough to find my happiness in these last 6 years and I'm grateful for all the amazing experiences that are to come.
1. Lists are number 1! I seriously love lists. Especially when lists are happy! A list of things someone loves is probably my favorite thing in the world. You can essentially learn a lot about people by their "list". Also, the more we talk about the things we love, the better off we are. I love you, lists. All of you.
2. Owls. Long story short, I was being extremely grumpy one day and my weird ass middle brother showed me his impression of a burrowing owl. Which was so stupid and hilarious... I now equate owls with belly laughs. I often refer to them as 'owies' because I'm actually 12 years. My mom bought me some kitchen towels with owls on them. I refer to them as my "owie towies'. *Issues run deep with this one*
3. Really terrible music. It's no secret that I have a tendency to listen to shitty music. Not like universally shitty like Nickelback or Creed. No, it actually might be worse.. because on my current playlist I have such things as Miley Cyrus, One Direction and Selena Gomez. I like to think that the Aesop Rock, Atmosphere and Josh Martinez that are also included on the previously aforementioned playlist allows me some leeway from too much judgement, though. I'm 28 and I will still party like I'm 18 to some pop music.
4. Guys in Hats. Not to be mistaken with guys in cowboy hats, top hats or *shudder* fedoras. I mean ball caps. Not flat billed hats. Ball caps. Like the ones that show off their favorite sports team or store they frequent. Not that a nicely gelled or 'pasted' hair style isn't good with me, there is just something about a hat. Also under the hat is probably messy hair. And who doesn't love messy hair?
5. Orange Beers. Sometimes referred to as the 'beermosa'. I can't get enough of these things. They are refreshing on a hot day, soothing on a stressful day, and perfectly acceptable on a day that reaches 20 below zero. I take mine with Miller Light and OJ. Sometimes a Blue Moon or a Raspberry Wheat Shock Top. Mostly I'm happy with a Miller Light and OJ. I am literally drooling right now.
6. Well gin shots. Warm gin, straight up. Shot glass. Family. It's definitely a family tradition and it is just something we do.
7. Someecards. I have made so many of these things. Here, I'll share a few of my personal favorites that I have made. Feel free to share or save.
3. Really terrible music. It's no secret that I have a tendency to listen to shitty music. Not like universally shitty like Nickelback or Creed. No, it actually might be worse.. because on my current playlist I have such things as Miley Cyrus, One Direction and Selena Gomez. I like to think that the Aesop Rock, Atmosphere and Josh Martinez that are also included on the previously aforementioned playlist allows me some leeway from too much judgement, though. I'm 28 and I will still party like I'm 18 to some pop music.
4. Guys in Hats. Not to be mistaken with guys in cowboy hats, top hats or *shudder* fedoras. I mean ball caps. Not flat billed hats. Ball caps. Like the ones that show off their favorite sports team or store they frequent. Not that a nicely gelled or 'pasted' hair style isn't good with me, there is just something about a hat. Also under the hat is probably messy hair. And who doesn't love messy hair?
5. Orange Beers. Sometimes referred to as the 'beermosa'. I can't get enough of these things. They are refreshing on a hot day, soothing on a stressful day, and perfectly acceptable on a day that reaches 20 below zero. I take mine with Miller Light and OJ. Sometimes a Blue Moon or a Raspberry Wheat Shock Top. Mostly I'm happy with a Miller Light and OJ. I am literally drooling right now.
6. Well gin shots. Warm gin, straight up. Shot glass. Family. It's definitely a family tradition and it is just something we do.
7. Someecards. I have made so many of these things. Here, I'll share a few of my personal favorites that I have made. Feel free to share or save.
These are just 7 out of a million. Find your happy in the little things! That's the only advice I know I can give.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
6 Years Ago
6 years ago was such a different time for me.
I was moving back to my home town, away from a new life I thought I wanted. I didn't have any of my own money, I didn't own my own vehicle, I had no idea where my life was going, I hadn't had a steady job for almost a year and I was probably the single most miserable human being in the world.
I was sad. All the time. I was in a shitty relationship and I was moving home. Back to my home town. If I had a tail, it would have been between my legs. I could already feel my boyfriend at the time pulling away from me. Slowly but surely. I ignored it because I was terrified to be alone. I was miserable in my own skin.
Things improved over time. I fell back in with some old friends and we partied our faces off that summer. I started working for the company I've now been with for 6 years and continued to meet some awesome people at the office. My friends in and out of the office grew closer and closer. In about December of 2008, the relationship basically ended with the grand finale being February 13th 2009 when he brought me my things and left in tears. He did. I made him cry. It was good moment for me considering I had cried for 3 years. It was his turn.
After that, bad decisions were made most weekends, however, I have a policy where I try to not regret the things I wanted at the time. And I don't regret any of those decisions.
Moving on to the fall of 2009. I started college! I picked my major (Public Relations) and I was on my way.
Made a lot more bad decisions most weekends. Still, I have never regret a single one. I let myself get lead on, lied to, and used.. And looking back on all that went on these last 6 years.. I am grateful to everyone I have encountered. The good, the bad, and even the ugly.
Fast forward to now: I have a great job, a degree in Public Relations, money in the bank, the best friends a girl could want, an amazing relationship with my family, I own my own vehicle and I am 100% completely and totally proud of myself.
The girl that moved home 6 years ago is not the same girl leaving home next week.
I was moving back to my home town, away from a new life I thought I wanted. I didn't have any of my own money, I didn't own my own vehicle, I had no idea where my life was going, I hadn't had a steady job for almost a year and I was probably the single most miserable human being in the world.
I was sad. All the time. I was in a shitty relationship and I was moving home. Back to my home town. If I had a tail, it would have been between my legs. I could already feel my boyfriend at the time pulling away from me. Slowly but surely. I ignored it because I was terrified to be alone. I was miserable in my own skin.
Things improved over time. I fell back in with some old friends and we partied our faces off that summer. I started working for the company I've now been with for 6 years and continued to meet some awesome people at the office. My friends in and out of the office grew closer and closer. In about December of 2008, the relationship basically ended with the grand finale being February 13th 2009 when he brought me my things and left in tears. He did. I made him cry. It was good moment for me considering I had cried for 3 years. It was his turn.
After that, bad decisions were made most weekends, however, I have a policy where I try to not regret the things I wanted at the time. And I don't regret any of those decisions.
Moving on to the fall of 2009. I started college! I picked my major (Public Relations) and I was on my way.
Made a lot more bad decisions most weekends. Still, I have never regret a single one. I let myself get lead on, lied to, and used.. And looking back on all that went on these last 6 years.. I am grateful to everyone I have encountered. The good, the bad, and even the ugly.
Fast forward to now: I have a great job, a degree in Public Relations, money in the bank, the best friends a girl could want, an amazing relationship with my family, I own my own vehicle and I am 100% completely and totally proud of myself.
The girl that moved home 6 years ago is not the same girl leaving home next week.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
5 Things I Plan on Doing When I Move
1. Starting a brand new daily routine. I am literally going to wake up and do things differently on my very first working day in NC. My current routine has me disheveled and leaving the house in disarray before I head to work. I am going to first make myself a cup of coffee and grab a book or "Drop 7" (favorite phone game) and just breath. I might take myself for a walk (time permitting) or just simply meditate on the day going great. If I end up getting cable, I'll watch the news. Or simply put away the dishes from the night before. Currently I wake up, shower, and leave. I really want that extra time in the morning to just recharge and energize and get ready for the day.
2. I will not frequent the same places twice in a week. I might pick a grocery store and stick to it, however, I am going to not go to the same coffee shops, restaurants, bars, salons, gas stations, or any other little shops I might stop into. This way, I don't get stuck in a bad routine with places that aren't the right fit. I can almost audition different places and might even end up in the place where I make new friends or find the love of my life. But those 2 things won't just be in any old place. They'll be in the 'right' place.
3. I will take myself out on dates. I have never gone to a movie, a restaurant or a bar and just sat completely by myself. If I do that in my home town I won't be alone. I'll inevitably know someone else in that establishment and thus the solo date usually turns into sitting with someone else or another group or what have you. I really want to go to dinner and then a movie completely and totally alone. Maybe stop at a bar on the way home and have a beer or two and then take myself home. Maybe cuddle with myself. That last part is a stretch. I just really want to get to know me. And sometimes the best way to do that is to date yourself. I hope I don't get something stuck in my teeth or say something embarrassing... to myself...
4. I am going to join a gym. This is a given though. My apartment building has a gym and the Y is only 11 minutes from where I'll be living. I need a gym to sustain my sanity. Working out is not only super great for physical health it's also amazing for well-being. I think people say this kind of stuff all the time and a lot of people just roll their eyes - but seriously. It's a brilliant escape and that whole endorphin thing? Not a rumor.
5. I am going to suck it up and talk on the phone. As many of my close friends know, being on the phone is my least favorite part about the day. I am on the phone constantly at work. We talk to Medicare, other providers and sometimes patients. Being on the phone all day basically means I loathe being on the phone after work. However, in order to keep in touch with the brilliant and beautiful people I know back home, I'm going to have to just do it. I have always wanted to change my voice mail to "Hang up and just text me". But, I know I'll soon discover that being on the phone with my favorite people back home will actually be a nice little release. (Along with a bottle of wine.. or 2)
2. I will not frequent the same places twice in a week. I might pick a grocery store and stick to it, however, I am going to not go to the same coffee shops, restaurants, bars, salons, gas stations, or any other little shops I might stop into. This way, I don't get stuck in a bad routine with places that aren't the right fit. I can almost audition different places and might even end up in the place where I make new friends or find the love of my life. But those 2 things won't just be in any old place. They'll be in the 'right' place.
3. I will take myself out on dates. I have never gone to a movie, a restaurant or a bar and just sat completely by myself. If I do that in my home town I won't be alone. I'll inevitably know someone else in that establishment and thus the solo date usually turns into sitting with someone else or another group or what have you. I really want to go to dinner and then a movie completely and totally alone. Maybe stop at a bar on the way home and have a beer or two and then take myself home. Maybe cuddle with myself. That last part is a stretch. I just really want to get to know me. And sometimes the best way to do that is to date yourself. I hope I don't get something stuck in my teeth or say something embarrassing... to myself...
4. I am going to join a gym. This is a given though. My apartment building has a gym and the Y is only 11 minutes from where I'll be living. I need a gym to sustain my sanity. Working out is not only super great for physical health it's also amazing for well-being. I think people say this kind of stuff all the time and a lot of people just roll their eyes - but seriously. It's a brilliant escape and that whole endorphin thing? Not a rumor.
5. I am going to suck it up and talk on the phone. As many of my close friends know, being on the phone is my least favorite part about the day. I am on the phone constantly at work. We talk to Medicare, other providers and sometimes patients. Being on the phone all day basically means I loathe being on the phone after work. However, in order to keep in touch with the brilliant and beautiful people I know back home, I'm going to have to just do it. I have always wanted to change my voice mail to "Hang up and just text me". But, I know I'll soon discover that being on the phone with my favorite people back home will actually be a nice little release. (Along with a bottle of wine.. or 2)
10 Days!
I keep going off on self-pity rants lately. I need to stop that.
So maybe I'm afraid of commitment and I don't know what I want in life and I dwell on the past too damn much. I'm always seeking out ways to see what people from my past are up to (also known as stalking).
wah wah wah
It has to stop. And it's stopping now. I vow to not dip into the past any longer because I don't live there.
Back to the initial point of this blog as a whole: My move!
I'm making my move in 10 days! 10 Days! 10.
I basically have these days to pack, celebrate and say 'love you mean it' to the wonderful people in my Montana life.
Closing this chapter is bittersweet. This particular chapter was 6 years long. That's like a chapter in War and Peace. I started out moving home temporarily. The ol' ex and I were going to take a quick break, get back together and move to AZ. Instead, I stayed in Montana and he became a Mormon. The best thing that ever happened to me! I got a killer job in 2008, started college in 2009, made incredible friends, partied my face off, made bad decisions, bought myself a car, paid it off in 2014, got my degree in 2014, and NOW... I am heading out on an adventure of a life time!
It's almost 6 years to the day of me moving home that I am now leaving. I came back July 10th 2008. I remember because it was just a few days before my step sisters wedding. And now, July 11th 2014 I'm off again! This time on my own accord, with my own rules. I have never been shy about being myself. I am actually really good at just being me and I don't hide that fact from anyone. At any given time I'm emotional, funny, shy, outgoing, outspoken, loud, lazy, energetic, drunk, sober, laughing, happy, grumpy, beautiful, sloppy, put together, nightmare-ish...
I am going to take all of these great things about me to a whole new state and turn it upside down. Or at least try to.
Today is July 1st and in 10 days I am outta here.
So maybe I'm afraid of commitment and I don't know what I want in life and I dwell on the past too damn much. I'm always seeking out ways to see what people from my past are up to (also known as stalking).
wah wah wah
It has to stop. And it's stopping now. I vow to not dip into the past any longer because I don't live there.
Back to the initial point of this blog as a whole: My move!
I'm making my move in 10 days! 10 Days! 10.
I basically have these days to pack, celebrate and say 'love you mean it' to the wonderful people in my Montana life.
Closing this chapter is bittersweet. This particular chapter was 6 years long. That's like a chapter in War and Peace. I started out moving home temporarily. The ol' ex and I were going to take a quick break, get back together and move to AZ. Instead, I stayed in Montana and he became a Mormon. The best thing that ever happened to me! I got a killer job in 2008, started college in 2009, made incredible friends, partied my face off, made bad decisions, bought myself a car, paid it off in 2014, got my degree in 2014, and NOW... I am heading out on an adventure of a life time!
It's almost 6 years to the day of me moving home that I am now leaving. I came back July 10th 2008. I remember because it was just a few days before my step sisters wedding. And now, July 11th 2014 I'm off again! This time on my own accord, with my own rules. I have never been shy about being myself. I am actually really good at just being me and I don't hide that fact from anyone. At any given time I'm emotional, funny, shy, outgoing, outspoken, loud, lazy, energetic, drunk, sober, laughing, happy, grumpy, beautiful, sloppy, put together, nightmare-ish...
I am going to take all of these great things about me to a whole new state and turn it upside down. Or at least try to.
Today is July 1st and in 10 days I am outta here.
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