A Basic Lyric Analysis

Every single time I listen to "Ashes" by Josh Martinez I think about the days leading up to my move from MT to NC. If you haven't listened to this song yet, you must. That's kind of an order. YouTube. My middle brother sent me this song on Spotify shortly before the big move date. I don't know if he meant anything by it, however, I over analyze absolutely everything in my life (especially music and lyrics) and so when I heard the first verse, the chills were deep and the excitement of what was ahead of me caused a little jolt to my chest and spine.

"This ain't about love.. it's about me.. times tickin', spine thickened, thy will is free" 

I still get tears in my eyes with this lyric. Tears because I miss my brother a lot. We didn't live far from each other when I was still in Montana and I want to say as much as we argued and hated each other growing up...we kind of became like peas and carrots for the years I was back home and up until the day we said good bye. Also tears because regardless if he meant for me to take these lyrics literally, they were taken literally. And they pretty much solidified my decision to move. This wasn't about absolutely anything except for me. My time in Dillon was long and beyond worth it and time for me to go was definitely on the clock, I was weak when I walked back into town in 2008 and a whole different person walked out of there in 2014. And "thy will is free?" Well, you know the basic definition of freewill and you know that can be something we don't exercise often enough. I at one time had allowed myself to be so dependent on another person, I felt like I didn't have any freewill. By no ones fault, but my own. I allowed my decision make process to be done by someone else. And even if he didn't mean to be the 'control' in my life, I allowed him to be. For far too long. My independence now means more to me than absolutely anything. I can't stand someone trying to tell me how to live now. If I want your advice, I will come to you and ask for it. If not, please stay out of my way and let my choices be mine.

"I know we both have dreams but I'm in my prime.. no dreams are more important than mine"

For me, this line held a lot of power. I forget that I have dreams. I forget that I have things I want to accomplish in this life. I know a lot of people might have expected me to stay in Dillon. Hell, I did. I always told myself I couldn't live without friends and family nearby. I forgot while I was telling myself that though that friends and family are all over and they are easily made. And re-made. And kept. A great majority of my friends don't even live in Montana anymore. We're all spread out. They left to follow their dreams so why am I hanging on when I have a plan and a dream in my own head? I stayed in Dillon to finish my degree and then I was out. I split. It was quick and it was hard but damn it, I have never done anything more worth it in my life. Because friends have been kept and new friends have been made. And I'm lucky to know all the people I do.

"Either way in crisis, there's opportunity and being by myself ain't nothin' new to me"

Being by myself isn't new. I've been 'alone' for 6 years. Single. Technically. And it's never felt lonely because I've always had a crazy good time no matter who I'm with. When I first moved to NC I didn't know a soul, as you probably remember from previous posts. I never felt lonely though. Everywhere I went, I was going with a smile on my face. I didn't dread going home, I didn't dread going out and doing things alone. I haven't once regretted this decision. I have had exactly one break down since I moved here and it was all due to the fact that I miss having animals in my life. That feeling has passed since I realized even an animal at home would really limit this freedom thing I love so much. 

And since getting here I quickly met 2 girls in the office that quite literally took me by the hand and have brought such immense happiness to my soul. I expected I would meet some friends here eventually. I didn't expect to find these two though. Hilarious, blunt, kind, compassionate, smart, and beyond fun. We have ridiculous inside jokes already. We have regular nail dates and they've both told me that if I need a holiday home to escape to they would take me in. We laugh at each other like we've known each other for 10 years. They are supportive and beautiful on the inside and out. They already mean so much to me. It blows my mind. 

"Threw on a fake mustache to get my groove back"

This line speaks for itself... I mean really. I'm not explaining this.

If you still haven't listened to this song though, I am going to question our friendship. It's a pretty powerful piece.

Burn this shit down... at ashes.