Jobs on Jobs on Jobs

Fun Fact: I have always been really good with money

Funn(er) Fact: That changed when I moved.

While I attended school and was full time employed my mom and stepdad were cool enough to let me stay at the house free of charge. So I was able to save! I had a savings account full of the good stuff and I was still having fun, online shopping, going out to eat, and buying ridiculous shit all while still paying my bills and padding that beautiful savings account.

Things change when you add rent, all household bills, and every single expense imaginable when it comes to living on your own 100% totally entirely. One forgets to put a stop to (or at least a limit) on their frivolous spending and they end up thinking credit cards are cool and they rack those up a bit. Then they maybe take out a loan to try to come out ahead and well for the lack of a better term the "f*ck" that up too.

So long story short: My champagne budget turned to a beer one but my tastes remained the same. I knew better. I've always known better.

So this is why I got the 2nd job. I definitely have enough to pay the bills and keep ramen in the house. But if I ever hope to get ahead again the second job is a necessity. So I did that. (I'm not going to include a part in here that more people should do that because that would be judgy and I don't know their situation but really.. more people should do it.) Shoot, I even have a 3 job if you count 2200 Miles (the new custom art business I'm starting)! Can never be too busy or have too many things to do!

I know I'll be a millionaire one day. I know I'll get to go home whenever I want someday (probably on my private jet.) And I know that one day I'll have all these credit cards paid in full, and never to be used again. I also know that because I am who I am.. I'll be okay. Because that's how I see it. Power of positive thinking, thoughts become things... I am manifesting the life I want not by just seeing it and believing it will happen but by making it so....

I am okay!

My Little Cliche

Even after the worst storms.. the sun does come out.

This sounds so cliche but it also is SCREAMING at me. Thisismylife!!

I have had beyond anxiety for the last 2 days. Just heart pounding, tired, anxious anxiety!

Today the rain stopped and the sun came out and it was at the moment I realized: this is life and it's mine.

I can literally map out my life to be any way that I want it to. I am moving to NC. So my dream of landing on the east coast is coming to fruition. I have a degree in public relations. So my dream of doing something I love is coming to fruition. So my other dreams? The ones I've thought recently to be completely unattainable? They must be right around the corner. It's these kind of moments in my life that remind me of who I am, why I'm here and what I'm capable of.

I have dreams of finding friends in NC. I have dreams of finding love. I have dreams of finding the perfect public relations job with that brilliant corner office and millions of windows. I have dreams of having a white picket fence around my beautiful little home where I live with my future husband and our golden retriever. Notice I didn't say kids, they still aren't part of the dream. (Sorry mom).

My first step will be to just get to NC and start living out there like I have been there my whole life. I'm going to frequent coffee shops and have 'my usual.' I'm going to sit at a bar by myself after work. you know the ones with people in suits and drinking martinis? Maybe I'll have to start drinking martinis. Does a shot of gin count? The grocery store clerks are going to come to love the witty banter I bring to their lines. I might make friends with a security guard in the museums I visit often. It's a city with things and people and places. All the nouns are there!

I'm capable of more than someone else's opinion of me. And all it took was a little storm for me to realize that.

It's Time to Celebrate!

Going away party!

That's tonight. I'm not actually leaving for another 3 weeks but because of holidays and busy schedules, it was decided a long time ago to hold this little celebration tonight. I tried to throw this myself and got yelled at by one of my best friends. She thought it to be a little ridiculous that I was throwing my own going away party so she assumed the position. She's one of those people that I met in the last 6 years that has definitely become more of a sister than just a best friend. We're both really weird and when we get together it is always the same laughter.

Tonight is NOT the night to be sad though. Because I know this good bye isn't forever and it's more like 'see you guys later'... it's still going to be hard. I've been attached at the hip to these people for a long time and now my little security blankets aren't going to just be there to go to dinner or drink too many bottles of wine at the salon or let me ugly cry about stupid shit. (I am the Kim Kardashian of Montana when it comes to the ugly cry.) Thanks to modern technology, however, we can do all of these things with the touch of a button on our smart phones. Maybe we won't be in the same room but it will surely feel like it sometimes.

Tonight we're going to celebrate our time together and share memories, laughter and a lot of shots.

I mean, I will kind of have to mourn this past life I am living currently. If that makes any sense. Things will be different and I'm sure I will be different because of all of these changes. Not in a bad way though. Just less cautious and more curious. I think why I keep writing about this and why I have so many thoughts on this is because I have literally never done anything courageous in my life.

So many things in my life have left me emotionally drained. Deaths, breakups, loss of friendship, wrecking my car, saying good bye to siblings, friends moving away..

But this is the one time in my life I am making the decision to do something completely and totally on my own without anyone's help. This is what independence is made of--I think.

I feel like I'm the subject of a Beyonce song...

Ha!

So this is interesting. I've been blocked on all things social media by someone I considered to be a very good friend. Blocked in life too, I assume.

It's times like these that make me realize that some people are just not meant to be in our lives. Is the question 'Can we talk' now considered "crazy girl" talk? Are girls not allowed to have feelings or emotions? Can we not express our slight insecurities without someone deeming us crazy and putting us in a corner?

This has nothing to do with the move. Not really anyways. It just more has to do with life and what it's like to be single in 2014. Or more or less.. what it's like to be a girl in 2014. A girl that has feelings.

This is going to make my transition to NC much easier, though. I'll have more freedom and more vacation days to burn in Pennsylvania or Orlando where some of my best friends live. Actual friends. People who wouldn't just block me like a child. I shouldn't be name calling - but it is what it is. All the questions as to why he was single have been answered.

Being the avid over thinker that I am, I have been looking back on the last week trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Did I say something or do something? Can I even be the one to blame here? He didn't even let me get TO the crazy girl point all of us females know we can get to before he basically pulled the 2014 edition of shunning. You want to see psycho? I'm sure I still have remnants of the psycho I used to be back in my early 20s festering somewhere inside of me.

Maybe blogging about it is the new crazy.

Then f*ck him. I'm crazy.

Hypothetical v Realistic

Hypothetical: I could live with my dad and brother, work in the bakery for minimum wage and get to see my family all the time. 

Realistic: That could never work because my brother and I would end up in prison for attempted murder of each other and my dad would be forced into early retirement due to stress related heart failure. 

Hypothetical: I could stay in Dillon, live at my mom's house and work at KCI forever. I could continue to party my ass off every weekend and remain single because hey, I have a cat! 

Realistic: I would end up married to another fellow bar fly after having settled and potentially end up with 5+ kids. My mom would be forced to disown me and I'm sure my cat would be soon to follow. 

Hypothetical: I could move to Butte, live with one of my best friends and find a job closely related to my degree. 

Realistic: My friend would eventually kick me out when she realized my minimum wage McDonald's job wasn't quite up to the "Bill paying" par and I'd end up living in a low income housing unit in uptown Butte. 

Hypothetical: I could move to Charlotte and be alone and miserable and cry all the time and then move home because my fondness for small town living and asshole cowboys has grown due to my absence. 

Realistic: I could move to Charlotte and be alone for a time and maybe a little miserable. Cry for a little bit but eventually put the bottle of wine down, head out into my new city and learn the backstreets to make my commute to work more bearable. I could find some guy and convince the poor bastard to love me and realize that love does exist! I could find a PR firm with an entry level position and work my ass off to make it up the ladder. I could take sushi rolling classes and meet tons of new people who have my same interests. 

I could or I couldn't. But realistically... I will. 

My story starts soon