"I can't buy clothes that look cute/nice on me"
"I wish I had her/his body"
"I just would be happier 10lbs lighter"
"My skin is gross"
"My hair is gross"
*Receives compliment* "Oh shut up, you're just saying that because we're friends...because you're being nice...I only look like this once ever billion years...it was a fluke..."
"I'm going to be single forever with these bags under my eyes"
"I feel so fat today"
"Why can't I just look like that?"
"You're just prettier/better looking than me"
"I'll never have that"
"I'm so ugly"
"He'll/She'll never go for a girl like me"
STOP IT. Do we listen to ourselves? No. Probably not. But our BODIES are listening. Whether you're fishing for compliments or truly feel this way about yourself.... STOP!
Things are not going to improve if you don't start talking sweetly to yourself. Softly, kindly, nicely. Stop comparing. Stop agonizing. Stop making shit up in your head. I say "your" like this isn't an issue I've struggled with for 30 years. And this isn't a female issue. I see men do it ALL the time too. If you can't come up with 30 things you like about yourself then you need to reevaluate. I know I did. I was listening to a podcast once upon a time that suggested people focus on ONE thing a day for 30 days that they liked about themselves. I texted a friend of mine and said "I can't even think of 2 things!" She sent me a list of 30 that she liked about me. This took her all of 3 minutes to comprise.
My life coach pointed out about 20 things that I brought to the table in a relationship after talking to me for 10 minutes during our very first ever consult.
These people aren't inside of us. They don't spend every waking moment with us. Yet they see us in a better light than we see ourselves. That is disgusting. It really is. It's sad. It broke my heart to realize how little I valued myself. How much bullshit I was putting up with from men... Men who made me feel needy and thirsty and crazy because they valued me about as much as I valued myself. Men who to be quite honest aren't even close to the level (I didn't even realize) I'm on.
According to a dating desirability scale I am a 95%. 95%. I'm a catch! And after 5 weeks of a body love bootcamp and talking to my life coach and doing all the homework I can see that now! I can see how amazing I am. And how much I have to offer. And how I've been trying to prove what a great girlfriend I am to less than great boyfriends and men by doing the most insane things.
Paying for EVERYTHING
Always initiating contact by way of texts
Being available all the time
Not calling them on the actual phone because Oh gosh they may be too busy or get annoyed
Biting my tongue when things bother me
Being all too agreeable
Being terrified to lose them so I make myself into this meek and mild girl
Shut Up! This is nonsense.
I have a college degree..I'm educated. I've worked for the same company for 8 years and have had the same friends for more than 20...I'm loyal. I am hilarious! I am an artist and a writer. I am compassionate and caring. I am giving. I am trustworthy. I am opinionated and loud. I love to talk and have strong communication skills. I love to travel and go on adventures. I'm spontaneous. I show up for people. I am creative and witty. I can have a conversation with a complete stranger. I am independent and financially stable. I could change a tire (if I wanted to..). I am a great cook and love cooking for people. I love going to movies or to bars or staying in. I have found fun in just about any situation. I have great parents and step parents. I have a shit load of amazing siblings. I am beautiful. I love my lips and the color of my eyes. I love the way I'm built. I love that I'm not a stick and I love that I don't need to lose 10lbs just to love myself because I already do. Me and this body have gone on a lot of adventures together...and I appreciate and value it for every single bit that it is.
I don't need to list those things out for you to believe me. I don't give a shit if you believe me. It's not a matter of believing. Or making someone else believe.
It's a matter of me knowing all the things about me that make me absolutely fantastic.
2 months ago I was a mess. Another failed relationship. Another heartbreak. Another moment where I put someone else so high above myself that I forgot about my value. My interests. My demands. My life.
That was the drive though... Why did another relationship fail? Why did I try to force it to work? Why did I change myself to be with someone who didn't want to fully be with me? Why did I cave and change who I am as a person to make someone else happy? To keep them?
I was miserable. I was needy. I was unhinged.
I needed to change. Not my appearance or personality or job or location or any of that shit. I needed to change how I saw myself. And it hasn't been easy. I still struggle with it. I can't say I'm 100% "cured". Whatever that means.
But I know I won't be putting up with less than I deserve from people who don't deserve me. I'm a damn good person, friend, employee, girlfriend....And until I find a guy who can match all of that and actually add value to my life...I am beyond happy to be alone. It is far better than being stressed, worried, needy, thirsty, and miserable.
I found my other half. It was me the whole time!
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