Lessons in Expecting

I have been trying to read the Four Agreements for months. Occasionally things happen in my life that make me hyper aware that I need to make some very big changes in my life. 

No location or job change or anything like that. But with the way I process things and the way I handle disappointment and situations that are just in general less than ideal. 

Lately one of the “agreements” from the book that has been popping into my head is the one about not taking things personally. It’s kind of an “Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business”. And quite honestly it has nothing to do with you! It really should be a reflection of that person. 

I expect a lot. I don’t mean I have high expectations. I just often expect things to go a certain way and when they don’t I definitely handle it poorly. I am never prepared for the let down because I honestly work myself into believing there won’t be one. Spoiler: there’s always a let down in expectation. Expectation is the mother of disappointment. Someone like myself who has had constant disappointments should really be used to this and know how to handle things better. I haven’t learned that yet. With each disappointment has come a sliver of a lesson though. Just a tiny sparkle of it. 

Now to circle back around to the beginning statements about not taking things personally. I take disappointment very personally. I take let downs right into my soul and I am constantly having to pick myself back up after it happens. I try not let it make me cold or hardened, but to be honest it’s gettin harder and harder. I’m a pretty negative optimist. Or maybe I’m a positive pessimist? I get my head in the clouds over certain situations and I forget to come back down to earth and check out the reality of it. 

I am going to spend the rest of 2018 learning. Learning how to re-wire my expectations and learn how to essentially expect disappointment. I will probably continue to hope for the best but unless something is in black and white and right in front of my face, I am not going to let it control any emotion or get me buzzed. 

I am going to learn how to not take things so personally. Good and bad. It’s been 7 months of “expectation/disappointment” cycles. Well, let’s be honest.. these cycles have spanned a good portion of my 32 years. 

I want off the merry-go-round. I’m starting to get dizzy.